Video Game Atlas: Onett
Once a week Art Attack will offer you a handy little travel guide to the fictional worlds of video games.
Name: Onett, Earthbound (Mother) series
Government: Mayoral democracy
The King and I (Touring)
TicketsTue., Mar. 14, 7:30pm
Brain Candy LIVE: Adam Savage & Michael Stevens
TicketsThu., Mar. 23, 8:00pm
Ist Annual Beaumont Corvette Club Comedy Explosion
TicketsFri., Mar. 24, 8:00pm
Impractical Jokers "Santiago Sent Us" Tour Starring The Tenderloins
TicketsSat., Mar. 25, 5:00pm
TicketsFri., Mar. 31, 8:00pm
You might have noticed that your humble travel guide has been absent the last couple of weeks. Well, long story short, it takes a really long time to walk across Bionis, and by the end of that journey, the blasted continent came to life! Two weeks floating in a life raft later, I finally managed to hitch a ride off-world in search of something much less exciting.
When you think of the stereotypical small town in America, you probably picture something very like Onett in the country of Eagleland. It is a quiet, suburban place where you'll find kids playing baseball, mom-and-pop stores and just in general a sense of peace and quiet. Just the kind of rest stop a man needs between adventures.
It wasn't always that way, though. Onett is the hometown of the famous hero known as Ness. Ness lived in Onett when a zexonyte meteorite landed in the 1990s. This turned out to actually be the time-traveling vessel of an insectoid alien come to warn Ness that he was destined to prevent the apocalypse at the hands of the alien Giygas. From there Ness set out with three friends and successfully avoided the universe's predicted destruction in ten years. There were a lot of prophesied armageddons around that time, now that I think about it.
The hole where the meteor fell is a popular tourist attraction to this day. Having been there, I can tell you that it is indeed a first-rate hole, as is the mysterious Giant's Foot formation that is an eerily accurate representation of an enormous footprint. Honestly, if you like cool holes, Onett is like your Mecca.
Visitors to Onett will not want for homey amenities. The local hotel is fully functioning, save that it can't raise the dead as many video-game hotels are capable of. For that you can visit the local hospital, where resurrection from a cup of Lifenoodles costs a mere $110. It seems a little strange that you can bring the dead back to life for cheaper than you can get an abortion for...which the town seems to have a bizarre fascination with, by the way.
Burger joints and arcades make up most of your non-hole entertainment options. Onett once had the reputation of extreme juvenile delinquency, and was at the mercy of Frank Fly and his notorious Shark gang. Incidences of theft, vandalism and other crimes actually cause the population of the town to plummet as many citizens left for nearby Twoson.
Ness himself was responsible for bringing the situation under control. He personally thrashed Fly in combat, and the switchblade-wielding degenerate was a changed man afterwards. He now runs a local restaurant and is a regular churchgoer. Mayor B.H. Pirkle awarded Ness the key to the city for his vigilantism.
That sort of justice is to be expected. Onett has a reputation for sending cops out to physically attack people for crimes like trespassing. I wouldn't recommend speeding or jaywalking while there.
Got to catch a bus to the next location, now!
Previous Entries in the Video Game Atlas
Bionis, Xenoblade Chronicles series Blobolonia, A Boy and His Blob series The Citadel, Mass Effect series Gold Saucer, Final Fantasy series High Hrothgar, Elder Scrolls series The End of Time, Chrono Trigger series Kakariko Village, Legend of Zelda Series Silent Hill, Silent Hill Series Monkey Island, Monkey Island Series Rapture, BioShock Series The Republic of Dave, Fallout series
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