We Announce the Winner in Our Crazy-Roommate-Stories Contest (First Place)
Whoa, you look possessed, roomie. Good thing I'm an exorcist!
Earlier this month, we asked readers to submit their craziest roommate stories for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card, along with official promotional items for the film The Roommate, which is currently in theaters.
If the winning entry is indeed a true story, we're kind of at a loss for what to say.
For about three weeks I had been living with a roommate who I had met in school, and seemed completely ordinary for years. Things were going fine, or at least I thought. She had the day off from work, and she had invited two friends over. I was feeling kind of uncomfortable (I wasn't sure why). Kim (the roommate) said that she had talked to her friends about something and wanted to bring it to my attention. I thought it was some business idea they wanted me in on, because that's how the conversation was sounding.
But oh was I wrong. She said I have a demon curse on me, and that's the reason I've had a "rough life." As she was opening up her purse, she said she'd like to try something with me. Did I have much choice? It was three against one.
She pulled out a jar of holy water. Yes, holy water. And if the holy water part wasn't odd enough, it was dirty holy water. She said the reason she'd locked herself in her room for the past few days was because the demon was attached to me (since birth, by the way) and was attacking her, leaving scratches on her arm and a little blood blister on her finger. She said the demon was named Beelzebub and he was "lord of the flies." I kid you not.
Kim thinks she's a vessel for God, and he talks through her. So, she (God) wanted to talk to the demon and reverse the curse. At this point I'm just silent, arms folded, staring. I can't believe this is really happening.
She throws holy water in my face. Nothing. She does it again, but in a provoking manner.
"Coward...you're such a coward," she says.
It goes on for a few minutes. I'm actually pretty scared and trying to think of a logical, rational way to get out of there, but if I tried to leave would they actually, physically stop me?
I don't know what to do, so I indulge her.
She blames my family's current problems on the curse and says my life has been sad and depressing because of it. Ouch, right?
When all's said and done, she kneels next to me, caresses my hand and tells me that if the curse wasn't reversed I would have killed her. She also claimed that I seek joy out of making people suffer. I can't recall a time where I've actually done this, but apparently I do according to my demon slayer.
She says I need to go back home to my family and fix things. (My parents were in the beginning of a divorce.) Then she and her friends started packing my stuff.
After they had moved my belongings to my mother's house, and before leaving me there, Kim told me that on the way to the house, other demons were "confessing" to her in her head, and that I had "infected" seven other people with the curse as well. So ... I guess I have some apologies to hand out.
Anyway, that's my story.
I'm never having roommates again.
As with the previous two stories, we decided to suspend disbelief (hard as it can be) and assume this all actually happened.
Netflix Presents: Here Comes the Funny Tour
TicketsTue., Apr. 11, 8:00pm
TicketsFri., Apr. 14, 7:00pm
Festival of Laughs featuring Mike Epps
TicketsFri., Apr. 14, 7:30pm
TicketsSat., Apr. 15, 8:00pm
Jeff Dunham: Perfectly Unbalanced
TicketsSun., Apr. 23, 3:00pm
How can things be "going fine" when you don't notice your roommate's been locked in her room for three days?
Also, J, Beelzebub literally means "lord of the flies" in Hebrew, also called "prince of the demons," although he must be getting old if all he can manage to eke out are some scratches and a blood blister. (Not that we recommend a religious upbringing, but it might have prevented being taken for a fool.)
But hey, it was a free move, right? (Exorcism included.)
Get the Theater Newsletter
Get a rundown of upcoming theater events and ticket deals in Houston.