You Are Not From Houston, 10 Surefire Ways To Know

You just have to be from here.
You just have to be from here.
Photo by abrahán

Houstonians are a distinct breed of Texan. There are many unique characteristics that make the people of this great city, well... great. We're a little bit liberal and a little bit conservative, a little bit weird, with a very normal streak. We are a little bit business-minded with a little bit artsy-fartsy. Basically, we're a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll through and through.

But as long as people live in Houston, there are some tell-tale signs that they were not born and bred in the Space City. We transients love it here, but there a few things that we just don't "get." (Of course, not all natives fit into these categories.)

Saying Y'all Sounds Really Awkward The Houstonian "y'all" rolls off the tongue as natural as sap from a maple tree. It oozes out. "Y'all going to... fill in with anything but probably something about the Texans." When a person not from the area tries to say y'all there is just something incredibly weird about it. It is as if the word is Arabic or Greek and we can't make the our mouths form the letters. Either that, or non-Houstonians completely avoid the word all together. Where a "y'all" should be the non-H'ers mumble some combination of "you guys" and "all" that may come out sounding like "you g'all."

Tearing Down the Astrodome... Why is This a Big Deal Again?

You Are Not From Houston, 10 Surefire Ways To Know
Photo by B. Tse

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A conversation about the now-famous fate of the Astrodome leaves non-natives feeling self-conscious and so they ultimately keep their mouths shut because (shhh), we don't really care. Oh yes, it's a historic monument, the first of its kind, it was magical like Disney World and that movie Brewster McCloud was set there. Hurray! Non-natives appreciate its majesty but then it's also a building. They tore down Yankee stadium too and that was the house that Babe built.

When Allison Hit I Was __________ Strike up a conversation about tropical storms and get ready for the most insane of stories involving cars under water, loss of homes, power outages, exploding transistors, fires, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. Of course many non-Houstonians may have lived through this, but our stories never involve having to drive up to Cyprus to round up our 80-year old Memaws who refused to leave their homes without all of their costume jewelry for fear that looters would take it.

Kolaches VS Doughnuts I think this would be an amazing experiment: Go into any typical office building on a Friday with a box of kolaches and a box of doughnuts and see who takes which. I would wager there would be more kolache takage from natives in the office. Houstonians LOVE their kolaches. They love them.

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