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Craig Hlavaty

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2010 Stories by Craig Hlavaty

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  • Chicks In Santa Hats (NSFW)
    FEATURED STORY

    Chicks In Santa Hats (NSFW)

    published Dec 20, 2010

    This place is a prison. I just spent the better part of my days searching Google for attractive women in Santa Claus hats. I had to sift through hundreds, maybe thousands, of pictures featuring barely... More >>

  • Captain Beefheart, Art-Rock Visionary, Dead At 69
    FEATURED STORY

    Captain Beefheart, Art-Rock Visionary, Dead At 69

    published Dec 17, 2010

    Sad news out of California today for the avant-garde and experimental rock world: Rocks Off has learned from multiple online sources that Don Van Vliet of influential rockers Captain Beefheart passed ... More >>

  • Top 10: Scarlett Johansson's New Dudes
    FEATURED STORY

    Top 10: Scarlett Johansson's New Dudes

    published Dec 17, 2010

    Yes, the sad news came this week that Scarlett Johansson and hubby Ryan Reynolds are divorcing after two years of marriage. It looks like a match made in heaven, at least for the tabloids. They are ar... More >>

  • Island Of Misfit Albums: A Star Wars Christmas

    published Dec 16, 2010

    One thing that always bothered Rocks Off growing up as a born-again Christian child who was into the apparently godless world of Star Wars was whether or not they celebrated Christmas. The birth of Je... More >>

  • 11 Songs You Shouldn't Sing At The Office Holiday Party
    FEATURED STORY

    11 Songs You Shouldn't Sing At The Office Holiday Party

    published Dec 16, 2010

    'Tis the season for office Christmas holiday parties. No doubt you have already had yours at work, or are getting ready for one. They all include copious drinking, great food, stolen glances, slurry c... More >>

  • Top 10 Houston Breakout Acts Of 2010
    FEATURED STORY

    Top 10 Houston Breakout Acts Of 2010

    published Dec 15, 2010

    These ten Houston artists opened our eyes and made us roll off the couch or out of the cubicle to go see them this year, health or sleep be damned. Craig's Hlist's two favorite things are sleeping and... More >>

  • Island Of Misfit Christmas Albums: Teen Pop Meltdown
    FEATURED STORY

    Island Of Misfit Christmas Albums: Teen Pop Meltdown

    published Dec 15, 2010

    It happens like this: You are in charge of a major teen-pop act who can sell anything with their face or voice on it, be it training bras, shaving cream, or caskets. You have a week off in the summer ... More >>

  • Bread People
    FEATURED STORY

    Bread People

    published Dec 15, 2010

    If you want a quick tutorial in the breads and pastries of the world, look no further than Bread People on Tumblr. If you have ever wanted to sound cultured about chewy and flaky carbs at the next fo... More >>

  • Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band

    published December 16, 2010

    Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band is to vintage country-blues what Flogging Molly is to Celtic punk. The Indiana-based trio, anchored by drums, guitar... More >>

  • Canned Acoustica

    published December 16, 2010

    Get into the holiday spirit with Canned Acoustica, an acoustic charity concert benefiting the Houston Food Bank. The event spotlights some of... More >>

  • Top 10: Underrated Christmas Movies
    FEATURED STORY

    Top 10: Underrated Christmas Movies

    published Dec 15, 2010

    Right around now, we get sick of hearing about Elf (yes, we said it), It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle On 34th Street, and sometimes even A Christmas Story. The all-day screenings of the latter on one o... More >>

  • Your Meme of the Week: Bread People
    FEATURED STORY

    Your Meme of the Week: Bread People

    published Dec 15, 2010

    If I haven't eaten in a while, and I laugh too hard, I get this weird throbbing pain on both sides of the back of my head. It's like I'm wearing a really tight motorcycle helmet (or listening to Vampi... More >>

  • Upcoming: Avett Brothers, David Allan Coe, Moody Blues, Etc.

    published Dec 14, 2010

    Adema: Wed., Jan. 12. Scout Bar Clear Lake. Against Me!, Cheap Girls, Fences: Tue., Jan. 25. Warehouse Live. Andy Bell (DJ Set): Sat., Jan. 15. Numbers. Avett Brothers: Thu., April 14. Verizon Wir... More >>

  • <i>Assassination</i> in Jellystone
    FEATURED STORY

    Assassination in Jellystone

    published Dec 14, 2010

    Holler if you wanna see Boo Boo shoot a resigned (and valuable) Yogi Bear in the back of the head with a shotgun inside a forest ranger station. That's what I thought. This video started circulating... More >>

  • Top 10 Christmas Movie Soundtracks
    FEATURED STORY

    Top 10 Christmas Movie Soundtracks

    published Dec 14, 2010

    No doubt you have all been chin-deep in Christmas movies since you undid your belt on Thanksgiving evening. Rocks Off made sure to steal a copy of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation from our folks'... More >>

  • Last Night: Wu-Tang Clan At Numbers
    FEATURED STORY

    Last Night: Wu-Tang Clan At Numbers

    published Dec 13, 2010

    Wu-Tang Clan Numbers December 12, 2010 Sunday night's Wu-Tang Clan show ended around 2:30 this morning, after five or six openers and more than five hours on our feet. By the time the group went onst... More >>

  • Wu-Tang Clan's Best Pop-Culture References

    published Dec 10, 2010

    Rocks Off can't rightfully remember the last time the whole Wu-Tang Clan was ever in Houston, if they ever have been. For some reason, we keep wanting to think they came once with Rage Against The Mac... More >>

  • The Year in Static Memes
    FEATURED STORY

    The Year in Static Memes

    published Dec 09, 2010

    As with video memes this year, the static exploitable memes moved just as fast in and out of our subconscious. Luckily we, the Internet-proud and vigilant, kept on top of them for you. With a little h... More >>

  • Five More Heavy Metal Christmas Carols
    FEATURED STORY

    Five More Heavy Metal Christmas Carols

    published Dec 09, 2010

    Last year's unholy Christmas metal list was so popular, we decided to reach back into our quasi-Santanic bag and find five more songs for you to blare while trimming the tree and wrapping presents. ... More >>

  • Cowboy From Hell: Dimebag Darrell's Best Guitar Solos

    published Dec 08, 2010

    This blog is stupid, because Rocks Off - this member at least - loves everything that Pantera did. In turn, that means we like everything that the Texas metal gods' late guitarist, Metroplex-bred "Dim... More >>

  • John Lennon's Top 10 Solo Songs
    FEATURED STORY

    John Lennon's Top 10 Solo Songs

    published Dec 08, 2010

    Cactus Music is hosting a Beatles & John Lennon DJ session featuring DJ Black Slacks from 5-7 p.m. today in the Record Ranch, 2110 Portsmouth. Today marks 30 years since humanity lost John Lennon. Th... More >>

  • The Year In Houston Music, Poster By Poster
    FEATURED STORY

    The Year In Houston Music, Poster By Poster

    published Dec 08, 2010

    Ed. Note: The difference between "poster" and "flyer" is debatable - negligible, perhaps - but to us a flyer has always been no bigger than a sheet of notebook paper, printed in one or maybe two color... More >>

  • Scott Miller

    published December 9, 2010

    Besides the band's freewheelin' guitar lines, snide lyrics like "this beer is colder than the shoulder you would give me if I told you the truth"... More >>

  • Wu-Tang Clan

    published December 9, 2010

    From the slums of Shao-Lin, Wu-Tang Clan strikes again! Maybe. With scheduled hip-hop shows here canceling with some regularity over the past year... More >>

  • Top 10 Worst Food Comas Ever
    FEATURED STORY

    Top 10 Worst Food Comas Ever

    published Dec 08, 2010

    Postprandial somnolence is the scientific term for a food coma. How do I know this? Because I looked it up on my phone on Thanksgiving Day while I was slowly getting under the covers at my parents hou... More >>

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