Email Author Gregory Weinkauf

2003 Stories by Gregory Weinkauf

• Bow Down

  published December 18, 2003

  You know how it's often the ones we love whose flaws are most apparent? Well, when it comes to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the... More >>

• 'Pac, Man

  published November 20, 2003

  There was a gaggle of young women sitting near me during the screening of Tupac: Resurrection. They frequently voiced their... More >>

• Shakedown Cruise

  published November 13, 2003

  Russell Crowe to his agent: "More Oscar-bait. Now." Agent, considering his cut of Crowe's $20 million payday: "Yes, sir." A possible scenario,... More >>

• Silly Humans, The Matrix Is for Kids!

  published November 6, 2003

  A not terribly long time ago in an uninhabitable galaxy called Burbank, a generally astute movie studio founded by four Polish siblings alienated... More >>

• Ryan's Hope

  published October 30, 2003

  Remember that silly little-girl version of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, snuffling "I'm difficult!" through a charming tantrum? Well,... More >>

• Gritty Girls

  published September 4, 2003

  Most will deny it, but inside every grown man lurks a hypersensitive adolescent girl. Allow me to tell you all about mine and to share some of my... More >>

• Shred-heads

  published August 21, 2003

  Deck. Wheels. Attitude. This is the stuff of Grind, a comedy about skateboarding and its effects on the human psyche. Neither young... More >>

• Too Cute Kate

  published August 21, 2003

  Oh, Paris -- City of Light, of Love, of Liver Damage and Lung Cancer. C'est formidable, non? Who in need of a posh vacation would turn down... More >>

• Soaring Castle

  published August 7, 2003

  Simon must propose to me now," exclaims pretty, simpleminded Rose (Rose Byrne), "before he meets somebody else or gets to know me better!"... More >>

• Depp's of the Sea

  published July 10, 2003

  Directed by Gore Verbinski. With Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley and Geoffrey Rush. Rated PG-13. More >>

• Legend of a Lady

  published July 10, 2003

  If, in keeping with current fads, you seek movies featuring females kicking a bunch of ass, your appetite will be tended (and cultivated) at the... More >>

• A Great Chase

  published July 3, 2003

  Much like "hilarious Islamic comedy" or "sublime Affleck picture," the term "terrific second sequel" isn't bandied about too much. Name one. Took... More >>

• Foreign Affairs

  published June 5, 2003

  French putz Xavier (Romain Duris) is depressed. The poor guy lives in Paris, has Amélie's Audrey Tautou as a girlfriend, eats... More >>

• Mighty Mediocre

  published May 8, 2003

  Directed by Christopher Guest. With Guest, Eugene Levy, Harry Shearer and Michael McKean. Rated PG-13. More >>

• Violent Femmes

  published May 1, 2003

  At some fast-approaching point in pop culture evolution, we're due to hit Total Outsider Saturation, wherein everybody is an outsider and... More >>

• The French Conniption

  published April 17, 2003

  Imagine a large, dead Saint Bernard with its bones removed. Then visualize a hefty bellows inserted into it from behind, with a gorilla hopping up... More >>

• Girls with Balls

  published April 3, 2003

  It was only in 1967 that Great Britain struck from its jurisprudence the "common scold," essentially a crime of catty insolence for which the... More >>

• The Kids Aren't Alright

  published April 3, 2003

  Even under our current government, drugs are still something of a problem in society, which means that the rockin' and reelin' Spun... More >>

• Dream River

  published March 27, 2003

  Emerging from Till Human Voices Wake Us, it was easy to overhear some male viewers striving adamantly to put the film's metaphysical... More >>

• Take a Hike

  published March 20, 2003

  You know how boys love to play soldier? How they get stern-faced and march out to destroy an enemy whom they believe needs destroying? Well,... More >>

• SEAL Appeal

  published March 6, 2003

  John Shaft went to Africa, so why shouldn't Die Hard's John McClane? In the new action romp Tears of the Sun, Bruce Willis... More >>

• Max Factors

  published February 27, 2003

  Hitler as artist…Hitler as artist… Damn. So much for the ol' "summarize plot, tease overpaid actors, pontificate wildly"... More >>

• Rockin' the Cradle

  published February 27, 2003

  Uh…yo. The word on the street is that the 'Drzej is back at the helm. "Who?" you rightfully ask. Why, cinematographer-turned-director... More >>

• Hudson Hawked

  published February 6, 2003

  Astaire & Rogers. Hepburn & Tracy. Heck, Ball & Arnaz, Houston & Washington or Vardalos & Corbett. Over the decades, Hollywood has proved that its... More >>

• Dead Again

  published January 30, 2003

  Let's start with two raves and a beef. Final Destination 2 is a tight, rockin' popcorn flick packed with nasty kicks. It's also a... More >>