Best Swells of Houstonian Pride (2000)

Shannon Elizabeth

Some of y'all guys probably don't know this, but when you saw American Pie for the 40th time last year just to see that Czechoslovakian chick take her top off in the bedroom of the guy who humped the pie, those were Houston-born breasts you were ogling. Those were local breasts, hometown breasts, your breasts you were staring at. And you should be proud of them. Texas Monthly may have given her all the local love she needed in its recent "Texas Twenty" issue, but let us here at the Houston Press give a shout out to the young regionally reared (okay, she spent her later years in Waco, but she was here first, dammit!) actress who showed that something beautiful (those rosy red cheeks!), funny (her sarcastic death scene in Scary Movie was inspired) and talented (who knew she could do accents?) can come out of this friggin' town after all. Elizabeth proved that Houston can give more to the world than the two-ton terror that is Anna Nicole Smith. (To paraphrase Dean Stockwell from Married to the Mob, she disappointed the shit out of us.) It's up to the men and women of this city to remind her where she comes from. On the off chance you might see her on the street, tell her that no matter where she goes or what she does, she'll always be a Houstonian -- and she should never forget that. We lost Renée Zellweger (that Katy defector), but dammit to hell, we're not gonna lose her. Not on our watch.


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