Best Use for the Astrodome (2000)

Mock naval battles

The poor Dome. The former Eighth Wonder of the World has to sit there helplessly and watch as, right across the parking lot, construction crews build the new NFL stadium that has a contract out to kill it. The humiliation is compounded by the endless speculation and discussions about what to do with the white elephant. In July the Houston Chronicle wrote a piece (headline: "Dome Business Picking Up") trumpeting that the old warhorse will host 18 high school football games this season(!). The tone of the article was optimistic, almost enthusiastic: Look, there's still life in the old fart. It was like we're supposed to be proud that a school district tossed a couple of crumbs its way. For a stadium that once hosted Nolan Ryan, Earl Campbell, the Rolling Stones and Elvis, it's an embarrassment beyond words for the Dome to cater to a bunch of drippy teenagers, half of whom couldn't spell Evel Knievel, let alone know that he once broke the world indoor motorcycle-jump record in 1971 at the venue. We have far grander plans for the place that put Houston on the map: mock naval battles. Seal the Dome up tight, invite competing corporations to build small fleets, and let the bloodsport begin! Think it's too unsophisticated for us? Consider this: The Romans did the very same thing with the Coliseum. And look how well that venue has stood the test of time.


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