Best Psychic (2003)
Patricia Williams has been helping folks cleanse their auras and balance their chakras for 30 years. But that's not all: A gift passed on from her great-grandmother allows her to read palms, tarot cards and crystal balls, as well as assist with something called Tibet meditation, which sounds pretty darn relaxing. She also sells potions, candles and crystals -- even a little mojo sack that she says will let your desires come true. Hot damn! For $20, you get palm and tarot readings with unlimited questions, but the crystal ball service is $125. For a fee, she'll also pray over missing loved ones, and she may even be able to tell you if they'll make it home safely. After all, she says she knew all along that Elizabeth Smart was okay. Bonus: She reads tarot cards over the phone. Get your credit card ready.