Being bald sucks. The sun burns your scalp, women burn your phone number, co-workers burn holes in their sides laughing about how you look like Dr. Evil. And after 12 easy installments of $19.95, you will probably still be bald. But at least you won't be hungry. On the first Monday of every month, head to Neptune Subs, where the bald eat free. The bald owner, Vincent Schillaci, whose pate is immortalized in a painting on the wall, will charge you in inverse proportion to the population of your follicles. The half-bald eat at half-price; Bill White pays less than Governor Goodhair. The subs are not only free of hair, they're top-notch. Hey, call Schillaci an egghead, but he's got a heart of gold.