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Anarchy in the Astros Clubhouse

Wednesday night, just after the Shawn Chacon/Ed Wade cage match, but just before the Astros went out to lose to the Rangers, the clubhouse doors were closed and Drayton McLane had a little chat with his boys. “We can't have anarchy,” McLane told them. “You can't have rebellion.”

Drayton, I’ve got some bad news for you. The inmates took over your asylum a long, long time ago. You might just now be realizing this, but the facts are the facts. Anarchy has existed in Astroland for well over a decade. And this has been evident to all objective observers for a long time.

That’s what happens when you let certain players run the team. When you let players run off managers, and make the hiring of new managers contingent upon their getting along with Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell. Or when you let Roger Clemens show up only on the days he wants to show up. Or you let Craig Biggio decide when to play a game and not the manager. Or when you let Carlos Lee skip out on spring training so he can fly to Houston for the rodeo. Or when you fail to back up Cecil Cooper when his authority is undermined by Miguel Tejada refusing to take a day off.

Anarchy, Drayton, is what happens when you trade for Miguel Tejada on the eve of the Mitchell Report, then let your management get away with saying they had no idea he would be listed in it. Or when you have a general manager who doesn’t do proper due diligence and trades for a pitcher with documented elbow problems – well, documented to everyone but the Astros.

Anarchy, Drayton, is what happens when your new general manager fails to do his due diligence and gets a shortstop that has been lying about his age. And anarchy is what happens when you let Ed Wade laugh the thing off by saying that it doesn’t matter because Miguel Tejada’s playing like he’s in his 20s.

Anarchy, Drayton, is when you let Roy Oswalt openly undermine Cecil Cooper and pitching coach Dewey Robinson. Anarchy is what you get when you let Roy Oswalt complain about the lineup to the press while at the same time proving your general manager to be a liar. It’s what happens when Oswalt turns for assistance to a pitching coach on the team you’re playing that weekend.

Anarchy, Drayton, is what happens when you decide Craig Biggio’s quest for 3,000 hits is more important than a winning team. Anarchy, Drayton, is mediocre pitcher Shawn Chacon thinking you’re going to apply the same standard to him as you do to your stars.

I hate to tell you this, Drayton. But the Astros are Team Chaos. And they’ve been Team Chaos for a long time. And Drayton, anarchy doesn’t disappear when one person goes away. It’s already infested the entire team. The entire organization.

Drayton, there’s only person to blame for this anarchy. And that person would be the one who let it all happen. The owner, Drayton McLane. – John Royal


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