Aubrey Huff Loves the Ladies, Part Two: Now with Video!

Daniel Kramer

Okay, I’m beginning to become

a huge fan of Aubrey Huff


To recap, Aubrey’s in trouble for calling Baltimore – the current home of the team for which he plays – a horseshit town. And he made this statement on Bubba The Love Sponge’s radio show. He also said he didn’t like Baltimore’s night life, and the implication was he missed the strip clubs of Tampa.

He also went on and on about constantly jerking his chicken in his hotel room before games.

But it gets better.

Did you know that his segment on Mr. Sponge’s show was videotaped? Yep. And it gets better yet still. He was appearing with a woman. A naked woman. And she got her body painted. By Aubrey.


And here it is. But here’s a little legal advice. I wouldn’t look at this little clip in the office. And if you do look at it in your office, and you get fired, well, you’re just too frigging stupid to even have a job.

Here’s why I find this so interesting. Besides the naked women, of course. This guy played for the Astros. Sure, it was less than half a season, but he still played for the Astros. The Astros. A team so Christian that Drayton pulled the guys out of spring training one day to go see The Passion of the Christ. A team so Christian that it has a full-time chaplain on staff.

Can you imagine this guy in a clubhouse with Lance Berkman? The same Lance Berkman who felt it was more important to go preaching to school kids about the evils of non-Christians than to go about getting in shape?

Aubrey Huff’s a mediocre player. But really, I think the Astros clubhouse needs somebody like this. Someone who’s just a little off-center. Someone who’s willing to go on the radio and paint a naked woman. Someone who’s more than just some boring white dude.

Aubrey. Come back. Please. And I promise, we have some real nice strip clubs here. -- John Royal

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