Bet You Didn't Even Realize He Was Gone

Dude, there's no need to get all pissed off.

So, one of the good things about this blogging gig is that I can do a Mitch Albom and write about things in advance, then leave town for the week. Luckily, unlike Mitch Albom,

I didn't get nailed

.

That said, I've found myself having to catch up with the Chron's sports department.

It's always nice to see that the great minds continue the yearly fellatio of Roger Clemens. You know, Lopez, I think that what you did in this Clemens column is still illegal in some states.

Speaking of Clemens, I'm going to say something now. Just retire. You've got to be one of those most overrated pitchers of all-time. Your inability to win an important game is well-known. Your inability to make the retirement decision makes Brett Favre appear decisive. And your ego makes Donald Trump appear to be modest.

And I see that over at his blog, my buddy Richard Justice decided to attack Texas A&M coach Billy Gillespie once again. Apparently, little Billy did now bow in wonder to the magnificence that is Richard Justice, and Justice has gone on the attack. Billy is a smart-ass and he sneers. And Justice is offended. Of course, following through on the Jesus Ortiz rule, it's not surprising to discover that one of Richard Justice's favorite people is one Bobby Knight.

The lesson learned, kids, is that it's okay to attack a cop, to throw potted plants at secretaries, to strangle students and to be an overall ass, but it's not okay to smart-off to a sports writer.

It was nice of the Press's Richard Connelly to point out the stupidity of the annual suck-up to Jim Nantz. But, I can't help but wonder if anyone at the Chron noticed that, on the next day, syndicated sports columnist Norman Chad also went after Nantz. I'm really shocked that the Chron would allow such an attack to run in the paper. Even though, it's got to be noted that Chad is right. It's an incredibly easy job that Nantz does. Under extremely easy and pleasant conditions. Though, I might be willing to consider hazard pay for his working with Billy Packer.

And, to finish on a non-sports issue. Was anybody else as struck by this quote from the Houston Symphony as was I? "You can hardly be a "back-up band" for an artist like Elvis Costello or Ben Folds or k.d. lang, all of who have written specifically for the power of a full orchestra."

Note, the Symphony was speaking about being Clay Aiken's back-up band. Is the Symphony really trying to tell me that Clay's the same level of musical genius as Elvis Costello? And when did Clay Aiken write specifically for the power of a full orchestra? Hell, when did Clay Aiken write specifically for the power of an acoustic guitar? And, as an attorney, I think that, if Elvis Costello were to decide to sue for defamation, the Houston Symphony would be relegated to being his backing band.

Boy, that was hard. Good thing the weekend's coming. -- John Royal


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