Getting Rogered, Again

Imagine that. Roger Clemens has signed with the New York Yankees. It’s nice to see that the city of Houston is still standing, though, from what I heard on the Astros post-game show, there are many of my fellow Houstonians standing on a ledge waiting to jump.

I’ve made it pretty clear what I think of Clemens. So, all that I’ve got to say is good riddance. I’m sick of the drama that the Rocket has brought to this team. It’s time to move on. And it’s been time to move on for a long time now. (Gee, I wonder how many more times that I can use the word time in this paragraph?)

Many of you can’t understand how Roger would desert the city like this? He wanted to spend time with his family, he said. It’s not about the money, he said.

If any of you believed any of this, I’ve got a section of the I-80 Bay Bridge/Oakland connector bridge for sale. And I’ll make you a great deal. Promise.

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I don’t want any of you to believe what you read over at Houston’s leading information source. I’m going to tell you why The Rocket’s deserting the city.

It’s simple: he’s the conquering hero. The guy riding in on the white horse. The Yankees pitching staff is devastated. The team needs pitching. And getting pitching can help the Yankees, because this team is scoring runs. Have any of you guys seen A-Rod’s stats?

But the Astros? Can pitching really help them? Except for Woody Williams, the starting staff has performed better than expected – even Wandy. And with Brad Lidge out of the closer spot, the relief pitching is doing okay.

But the offense just ain’t getting it done. Saturday’s 13-0 win notwithstanding. And unlike last season, there is that one team in the NL Central that is clearly superior to all of the other teams, the Milwaukee Brewers. So even if Clemens returns to the team like last season, returns to give a dead team spark, it’s just not going to get the job done.

The Yankees however, are scoring runs. Get a little pitching, and this team could start making a move on the Boston Red Sox.

Enter Roger Clemens. Multiple Cy Young Award Winner. The guy with more than 300 wins and 4,000 strikeouts. THE HERO.

The guy’s a drama queen. A diva. This guy needs the spotlight. The guy announced his return during the seventh-inning stretch, on the DiamondVision, from George Steinbrenner’s box. He needs the spotlight. And he found it.

So, fare thee well Roger Clemens, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. – John Royal

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