Jan Baldee and Jan Brady. Both Enigmas.

Okay, I give up. There’s just no way that I’m ever going to be able to figure out what the Astros are doing. I know there must be a plan. But I don’t see it.

And I’m not going to try anymore because it’s just driving me crazy.

Overreacting, you think?

Well, check out this move.

The Astros just signed one Jan Baldee.

Jan who?

Jan Baldee. Seventeen years old. 6-2. 170 pounds. One of the top middle infield prospects in Europe.

Yep. You read that right.

Europe.

Forget Japan, where some of today’s best players come from. Forget Venezuela, or the Dominican Republic. Or Puerto Rico. Or any of those Cuban defectors. Forget about signing those U.S. high school draft picks. Let’s go get players from that baseball hotbed that is Rotterdam, the Netherlands.

Next thing you know, Dennis Miller’s going to get another sports show. Oh, yeah. Then, you’re going to tell me that Jan Brady slept with Marcia Brady. Oh, yeah. Well, there’s no way in hell that Pam Anderson’s ever getting remarried, especially to that Paris Hilton sex-tape guy. Oh, just forget it. -- John Royal


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