Put Me In, Coach. I'm Ready for Play-by-Play.

Okay, the Astros might have the best nucleus in baseball, but the team sure does suck. Hey, guess what, the Astros lost night. Yeah, I know, big fucking surprise. Tell you something you don’t know. But I don’t know what to tell you. I think I’m out of words with the Astros.

The Astros were never in the game, as the final score of 10-2 indicates. And the score was 10-0 with two outs in the ninth inning before Chad Billingsley let up for two batters. Billingsley pitched his first career complete game for the Dodgers, improving his record to 7-0. And his nine-inning pitch total was just barely over 100 pitches. And with the loss, the Astros record dropped to 42-57. Man, this team sucks.

There’s no need to worry, though, because Jason Jennings has the start tonight.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just heard that Hunter Pence will be out for four to six weeks with a chip fracture in his right wrist. And if that’s not bad enough, his replacement is Jason Lane.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not my man crush. And Jason Lane? Really? Isn’t there anybody else down there in the farm system? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I know that the farm system is virtually devoid of talent, but is Jason Lane really the best that there is? Isn’t there someone else on whom the Astros can experiment?

So much for that nucleus, Drayton.

But enough of that. I’m off on a quest.

Listening to the ‘Stros on the radio while I was out doing my exercise thing, I had the chance to hear Milo chatting it up with Bill Engvall. Now, as anyone who ever listens to Astros games knows, when Milo gets off an interview, the game doesn’t exist. Really, people bitch about Monday Night Football and its celebrity interviews with people who know nothing about football, but at least you can still watch the game action. My god, when Milo starts with his interviews, there’s nothing. I got to hear Engvall pimp his new show. And I got to hear Engvall talk about how much he likes American League baseball. And about he’s good pals with the Dodgers’ Luis Gonzalez. And about how he and Brewers announcer Bob Uecker are friends. But the Astros game? Zilch.

So, what say? Let’s get me in that damn booth as a guest. Leave some comments below and harrass my employer to try to get me in there. I know the Press likes it when people read the blog, and I'll be glad to pimp the paper. I’ll say great things about my fellow blogger Jason. And Richard Connelly’s the greatest guy in the world. And I’ll tell everybody they really ought to visit the Web site several times a day, because not only might I post a couple of times, but they should read the music blog and Political Animals. And I’ll promise everyone this, when Milo’s talking to me, I’ll make sure you know what’s happening in the game. I’ll tell Milo to shut up so that Dave Raymond can describe the play. I’ll tell Milo that the people want to know what’s happening in the game, not listen to me tell stories about my days with the Astros scoreboard crew.

Bill Engvall will have nothing on me. – John Royal


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