Really, Shouldn't All Inappropriate Touching Be Reported to the Authorities?

So, baseball season starts today. Have I ever mentioned that Opening Day should be a National Holiday? And hey, did you guys know that Craig Biggio is only 70 hits shy of the

magical 3,000 figure

? That's okay, I'm sure the


will constantly remind everyone of that fact.

Speaking of the Houston Chronicle, I see that its version of Clay Aiken is soliciting memories of people who have been touched by Craig Biggio — which makes me wonder when Roma Downey started playing second base. And, seeing that this is de Jesus's blog, and seeing how he's not exactly known for allowing negative comments, I kind of figured that not every person who has been touched by Mr. Biggio is going to be allowed to share their memories.

Which is where I come in. I'm going to give a voice to those who can't comment. Like those official scorers who must remain nameless, and thus cannot share their memories of being touched by Biggio bitching about being called for an error or having a hit turned into an error.

As my editor stated in the introduction to my very first posting, not only am I an attorney, but I also worked on the Astrodome video crew from the start of the 1988 season through the end of the 1999 flameout against the Braves. Our booth was situated right next to the press box, which is where the official scorer sits. And it used to seem like every game that there would be a play involving Craig Biggio. And the official scorer would make the call, and there would be a call to our booth and the request would be made to not erase the play from the tapes because the official scorer was going to review it between innings, because, you know, Craig Biggio would never make an error, and he would never reach base because of an error, but only because of a hit.

You know, now that I think about it, maybe Biggio was right about these official scorers. If they'd done their jobs properly, Biggio would have his 3,000 hits by now, and Chris Burke would be starting at second and Hunter Pence would be in centerfield. But why cry over spilt milk?

But, I also seem to remember reading — and hearing — in the past, that the reason managers Art Howe, Terry Collins and Larry Dierker were dismissed was because of a certain Mr. Biggio going behind their backs to management. In fact, Dierker writes in his book, This Ain't Brain Surgery: How to Win a Pennant Without Losing Your Mind, that it was because of pressure from Craig Biggio that Terry Collins lost his job, and Dierker further writes that " 'Bagwell and Biggio will not be a problem, believe me.' I now believe that this statement is the one that got me the job. It also proved to be false."

Plus, there's just one more person for which I need to speak. De Jesus, I know that the Chronicle probably won't allow you to do this, but I remember what you wrote about the Tony La Russa DUI, so I'm going to apply the de Jesus rules to Craig Biggio. So, Craig, you are a hypocrite for supporting the Sunshine Kids while being a drunk driver. And fans, you are all morons for being supportive of Biggio's quest for 3,000 hits because DUI is a serious offense and Craig Biggio should be condemned for having done this just like Tony La Russa is to be condemned.

But before I wrap this up, I also have to say that Craig Biggio is one of the greatest Astros ever. He is not the greatest. That would be Jeff Bagwell. But it was a joy to watch him play baseball. I'm also confident that he's going to go to the Hall of Fame. It's also good that he'll have played his entire career as an Astro. Not many players play their entire major league career with one team. Plus, the work that he's done for the Sunshine Kids is something that should be, and must be, admired.

I write this to remind all that Craig Biggio is not a god. He's not perfect. He cannot cure the ill. He's just a man. He's a ballplayer. A very good ballplayer. And is it just a bit much to expect de Jesus and the Chronicle to show a little perspective?

Oh. That's right. I forgot. This is the Chronicle of which I'm speaking.

PLAY BALL!!! -- John Royal

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