Rebel Rebel: Straight Talk with Jose de Jesus Ortiz

Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress. Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess. Rebel Rebel, how could they know? Hot tramp, I love you so. -- D. Bowie

What can I say? I guess Santa got my letter and he has decided to give me an early Christmas gift. How else can one explain the continued idiocy of Jose de Jesus Ortiz? This past week or so, he’s been on fire, but yesterday, yesterday was classic.

I’m about to give you the funniest quote I’ve seen all year. I’m telling you this as a warning because I hope you’re sitting down. Make sure you hold on. Maybe close your office door. You’re going to be laughing so hard you’re going to have to struggle to stay in your chair. You’ll be laughing so hard your coworkers are going to be storming your office, just wanting to hear the joke.

So, warning out of the way, I give you Mr. Ortiz’s latest:

“Lance [Berkman] and I have a mutual respect because in a baseball world full of many hypocrites, we both often get in trouble for giving our honest opinion instead of just telling folks what they want to hear.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this coming from the man who picked the Astros to win not only 93 games in 2007, but also the World Series. How, how could anyone who spent all of that time in Florida last spring have honestly thought the Astros were going to win 93 games and the World Series? If this was his honest opinion, then he’s an idiot. But I think it was more about telling people what they want to hear.

For instance, this quote comes from a blog posting about how he and Lance Berkman have made up after Ortiz questioned Berkman’s leadership abilities.

Yeah, that’s some real truth telling.

Why had Ortiz, Mr. Rebel Rebel, questioned Berkman? Because Berkman had bitched and moaned about Ed Wade’s off-season moves and about how the trades were destroying team chemistry. So Mr. Rebel Rebel got on Berkman for going to the media with his comments and for not first talking to his new teammates in private.

And this is also from the same post where Mr. Rebel Rebel wrote that many of Berkman’s teammates are tiring of his act. Tiring of his being out-of-shape, and of not hustling. Of his bitching and moaning to the media.

I don’t know about you, but if I had a bunch of teammates bitching about the so-called team leader, I might go public with those statements. I might put those guys on the record so the readers can judge for themselves. Instead, Mr. Rebel Rebel refused to name names.

That’s not exactly what I call going out on the limb and telling the truth. It sounds more like weasel words coming from someone trying to keep people happy.

And speaking of giving an honest opinion and not telling folks what they want to hear, I’ve got to ask if this is coming from the same Jose de Jesus Ortiz who, for the past two weeks, has been soliciting reader input for first, who should be elected into this year’s baseball Hall of Fame class, and second, whether Roger Clemens is still a Hall of Famer. Not only that, but Mr. Rebel Rebel even writes that whatever the readers decide, he’ll do. Yeah, that’s not telling the people what they want to hear it at all.

(For what it’s worth, Mr. Rebel Rebel even writes that he’s considering Jim Rice for the Hall of Fame because Astros manager Cecil Cooper asked him to vote for Rice. Dude, Rice has been on the ballot for over a decade. If you haven’t decided on how to vote for Jim Rice yet, you don’t deserve a damn ballot. It’s morons like you who are keeping Rich Gossage out of the Hall.)

Yes, that’s the work of a true rebel, ladies and gentleman. A true rebel forsaking honest opinion so he can please others.

In the same post where he asks for readers to tell him how to vote on Clemens, he tells us how steroid use has been rampant during his time covering baseball. But I read Ortiz, you read Ortiz, so help me out: Just how many times in the past has Ortiz written about baseball’s rampant steroids outbreak, besides a post about Barry Bonds?

Truth tellers like Thomas Boswell of the Washington Post were out there, on the record, in the late-80s and early-90s, pointing to what appeared to be a steroids outbreak in the sport originating in the Bay Area. But where was Ortiz? If steroids were so rampant, where was Mr. Rebel Rebel on this topic?

Why, it was just in October of 2006 that the names of Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte were linked by way of affidavit to steroids and HGH. And what did Mr. Rebel Rebel do about this? Did he start digging through documents and court testimony like those guys with the San Francisco Chronicle who were getting ready to go to jail because of their reporting on the Bonds/Balco matter?

Now, if you want some real truth tellers, those guys in San Francisco are great examples. San Francisco’s Barry Bonds was attempting to break the home run record. The town loved Bonds. But these guys went against public opinion and did everything possible to tie Bonds to steroids use. Does anyone really think Ortiz would’ve been willing to buck that public opinion? Hell, is there anyone out there who thinks Ortiz would’ve been willing to do the jail time?

I could go on, but I’m just too damn tired. Just as it appears that Mr. Rebel Rebel was just too damn tired as well. Too damn tired to scroll down to his previous posts to make sure he didn’t contradict himself.

But I guess that’s what truth tellers do. They contradict themselves.

Ah, Rebel Rebel, how could they know?

How could they know?

Rebel Rebel, I love you so. – John Royal


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