Sure, the Team Sucks. But That Doesn't Mean We Care What You Had for Lunch.

Hey kids, it’s time for fun from the Astros radio booth. And I write this because I don’t want you to miss any of the fun times that I have while listening to the Astros on my car radio.

For instance, did you know that Astros broadcasters Brett and Dave think that we really care about them? Yeah. They really do. Why should I care about anything that’s happening in the game when they can talk about a dog up in their booth? I know the Astros suck, but I don’t fucking care about you guys or the seeing-eye dog that’s up in your booth, or that the dog’s not bothering the guys over in the Spanish broadcast booth. I don’t care if it’s cold in your booth. I don’t care if it’s hot. I don’t care if it’s crowded. I don’t care if it’s located up at the top of the CN Tower. I don’t want to hear about where you went for lunch. Or about your guided tour through Air Force One. I don’t like green eggs and ham.

I just want to hear about the fucking baseball game. And you, gentlemen, are not part of the baseball game.

But the really fun thing about last night’s game was that the boys got to interview Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson during the game. And boy, did I learn some fun stuff. Like she likes her job, but that she might like to be governor, too. And did you know that she wrote a book?

Oh, oh. And did you know that Kay Bailey really really really really really really loves the troops? I guess that’s where I differ from Brett and Dave. Because, you see, if I’d been broadcasting the game, I wouldn’t have been wasting the time of my listeners interviewing a politician. And second, especially with Kay Bailey and the way she really really really really really really really loves the troops, I might have asked her about why, if she just really really really really really really really really really loves the troops likes she says she does, she’s not over at the fucking capital taking part in the Senate debate over bringing the troops home, a debate taking place as she was chatting with the boys.

I should be thankful, though. Thank God Milo wasn’t around. Have any of you ever listened to this old pervert when there’s a woman in his broadcast booth? You can forget about knowing anything going on in the game. Not Milo drooling all over himself as he tries his ancient pick-up lines.

But so much for last night’s game. With today being a day game, I’m sure that the Brett and Dave show will consist of the two whining about how hot it is outside. Oh, and maybe they will discuss the baseball game a bit. – John Royal


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