Texans-Packers: Run, Slaton, Run
If you're like me, you're sick of hearing "frozen tundra" every time there is a game played in Green Bay. But with the temps for Green Bay this weekend set to be below freezing, you just know someone's going to let loose with the term, probably multiple times - hell, John McClain has already written one ode to the greatness of all things Green Bay.
But here's the thing. The Packers are going to lose this weekend. That's right. I said it. I'm picking the Texans to win the game this weekend - suck on that all of you people who call me a hater. I think the Texans are going to defeat the Packers, and they're going to make the Packers choke on that damn frozen tundra.
As long as Gary Kubiak doesn't try to coach.
You see, here's the deal. The Packers have the 27th-ranked rush defense in the NFL. They allow 141.7 rushing yards per game. The Texans have this guy named Steve Slaton. He's rushed for 904 yards per this season, and he's scored eight touchdowns. He averages five yards per rush while the Packers allow 4.8 yards per rush. I know the Texans have this high-powered passing game. But the Packers are very good when defending the pass.
So run, Gary, run. Run that damn football. Run Slaton left. Run Slaton right. Run Slaton straight ahead. What's more important? That you look like a genius, or that the Texans win the damn game?
Yet somehow I fear that Kubiak is going to try to ruin things. That he's going to let Matt Schaub try to prove that he's a worthy starting quarterback. Frankly, I say screw Schaub. The Texans can win this game because of Steve Slaton. Let Steve Slaton run that damn football. Because he will gain yards on the Packers, and he will run time off of the clock, which is a good thing because the longer the Texans offense keeps the ball, the less the Packers offense is on the field.
And the Texans don't want the Packers offense on the field.
The Packers are fifth in the NFL in scoring, having scored 334 points this season. New Packers QB Aaron Rodgers has thrown for nearly 3,000 yards while throwing 20 touchdown passes. And while the Packers may have the same record as the Texans at 5-7, the fault isn't that of Rodgers, no matter what Brett Favre loyalists might say.
So there you go. As long as Gary Kubiak plays dumb and just lets Steve Slaton run the football, the Texans should be able to win this game. And once again, suck on that all of you hate on me for being a hater. The Texans can win this game.
Frozen tundra, or no frozen tundra. - John Royal
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.