The College Football Preview, Week Seven: Babes. Lots and Lots of Babes.
Okay, I admit it. I want readers. And if linking to photos of beautiful women is going to trick people to coming over, so be it.
That said, there aren’t really that many great football games on tap for this weekend. So, to keep your attention on this rundown of the college football weekend, and to celebrate Charlize Theron being crowned as the Sexiest Woman Alive…
The Charlize Theron Sexiest Game of the Week Award goes to…
(1) LSU versus (17) Kentucky. LSU hosts the nation’s number one defense, and it has won four in a row against Kentucky, including a 49-0 thumping in Baton Rouge next season. Kentucky offers the SEC’s highest-scoring offense, and is averaging 42.7 points per game. The game is in Kentucky, and Kentucky is looking for its eighth straight home win, but if it should win this game, Kentucky will have beaten a top-ranked team for the first time since 1964.
The Sandra Bullock Sexiest Games Involving Teams from Texas Award goes to…
Rice visiting the University of Houston. The 2-3 Cougars are looking to come back from last week’s last-second loss to Alabama. Look for the Cougar starting QB to be replaced sometime during the game because the offense isn’t working. Then the offense will kick into action, but hopefully the Cougar defense won’t have given up too many points. Rice, meanwhile, is looking to string together a two-game winning streak.
The Longhorns will be journeying up to Iowa State. UT is winless in conference play after two games for the first time since 1956. The Horns have also lost four straight conference games, dating back to last season. The Horns have also won all six meetings with Iowa State, including a 37-14 victory last season.
There should be a fun game in Lubbock, with the high-flying Tech Red Raiders taking on the Aggies. Both teams are 5-1, and the Aggies are in first place in the Big 12 South – that must really suck, Horn fan. The Aggies have yet to fire Coach Fran over his tipsheet, but his assistant was fired yesterday, and Coach Fran has been put on double not-so-secret probation. And Tech’s been dealing with another controversy, this time dealing with t-shirts of Michael Vick doing something to Reveille.
Baylor’s heading up to battle the newly ranked (20) Kansas. Last week’s win over Kansas State was Kansas’s first over a ranked team since 1995, and it’s also the first time Kansas has been ranked since 1995. Baylor is 5-3 all-time versus Kansas and is looking to avoid its tenth-straight loss to a ranked team. However, the good news is that Baylor is tied with UT in the Big 12 South standings.
TCU will be flying out to the Left Coast to take on giant-killer Stanford. SMU hopes to get a victory against Southern Mississippi, and who knows, if Rice can do it, so can SMU. East Carolina will be in El Paso battling UTEP. And TSU will be taking on Alcorn State.
The Ashley Judd Middle America Sexiest Game of the Week Award goes to…
Sixth-ranked Oklahoma, fresh off demolishing UT, will battle eleventh-ranked Missouri. And Oklahoma State will be playing Nebraska.
The Scarlett Johansson Previously Sexiest Game of the Week Award goes to…
No. 10 USC versus Arizona. I think losing to a 41-point underdog last week probably ruined John David Booty’s chance at the Heisman. And this is the lowest ranking for the Trojans since September of 2003.
And if you would’ve told various network execs that Boston College would be ranked No. 4 coming into the Notre Dame game before the season started, they’d been reacting like Dr. Neil Frank when a stiff wind begins blowing off of the West Coast of Africa. That’s before Notre Dame decided to take the season off. Boston College has started a season 6-0 for the first time since 1942. And while John David Booty may have fallen off of the Heisman list, B.C. QB Matt Ryan is probably the newest leader.
The Emily Deschanel Should Be Surprisingly Sexy Games Award goes to…
UCF is taking on (5) South Florida. South Florida barely survived Florida Atlantic last week. Now it’s going up against UCF, a team which should’ve been the first team to beat Texas.
No. 18 Illinois is traveling to Iowa. Illinois has upset Penn State and Wisconsin in the past two weeks. Now it gets a supposedly easy game with Iowa. I think they call this a trap game.
And (2) Cal is taking on Oregon State. California hasn’t been undefeated through six games since 1950, and this is its highest ranking since 1951. But Oregon State has won the last three games it’s played against Cal.
And the Pam Anderson Is She Really Sexy Anymore Game Award goes to…
Kent State visiting (3) Ohio State. Yawn. -- John Royal
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