The Team Definitely Needs Some Kind of a Savior

Margaret Downing seems troubled by the fact Texas public schools may soon be teaching Creationism alongside Evolution. And while I always thought it was the meek who shall inherit the earth, and not the idiots, I think that Margaret should take a look at the positives that might result from such teachings.

As Richard Connelly

has noted

, the Houston Astros are a pretty Christian team. And maybe the fact that Creationism isn’t taught in Houston is causing the team to feel oppressed. Maybe if it’s safe for the Astros to openly believe in God, the team will be better able to perform on the field. Lance Berkman was spending his off-season

spreading the Word

to high school kids, so maybe the reason he’s having such a shitty season is that he’s not able to openly worship and this has caused his God to abandon him. Or maybe Lance is spending all of his free time trying to get his teammates to come out in the open in their beliefs. So maybe, just maybe, this whole Creationism in schools thing can be good for the city.

And who knows, maybe Carl Everett would return to the Astros if this were to happen. After all, he doesn’t even believe in dinosaurs, so a state teaching Creationism may just indeed be the place for him to practice his craft.

Frankly, if it would make the team play better, I’d push for worshipping Margaret’s Flying Spaghetti Monster or for making sacrifices to Jobu if it would mean a World Series title in Houston.

So, see, maybe this Creationism thing isn’t all bad. Kansas doesn’t have any professional sports teams, but Houston’s got one loaded with Christians. Maybe this will be just the thing to propel the team into the heavens. – John Royal


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