Touch and Go

The Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled

in favor of the NFL

in allowing "consensual" pat-down searches of fans before admitting them into the stadium for a football game. Now, I've got to check my legal dictionary again, because I don't think that consensual means what they say it means.

But here's the fun part. Cue NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy: "Pat-downs are an important part of our comprehensive security procedures, including secure facility perimeters and bag searches. These limited, consensual security searches are designed to enhance the protection and safety of our fans."

Well, I don't know about you. But I feel much safer already. However, if the NFL really wants to enhance the protection and safety of us, the fans, I wonder if anything's going to be done about cutting off alcohol sales. I think a bunch of redneck drunks watching Vince Young run past Mario Williams is more dangerous than anything else. Watching Reggie Bush run past Mario Williams might be a close second. And the NFL should really do something about the Texans' "Haliburton Home Town Hero" feature: celebrating Haliburton seems like a great invitation to a terrorist to come and do damage. And, I think the NFL could protect the fans by preventing Texans' owner Bob McNair from comparing the death of his dog Liberty to the events of 9/11.

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But, if the NFL is really concerned about my safety as a fan of the NFL, I hope that it's setting up some kind of way of performing strip searches of the Cincinnati Bengals before they can come out on the field. And if Pacman Jones is seen trying to enter a stadium with a bag of money, the NFL better have the stadium emptied.

Then again, what do I know? Stupid me, I thought consensual meant that you had the option of saying no. -- John Royal

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