Touchdown Jesus Wept

Resident Domer Rich Connelly can yuck it up all he wants about the off-field shenanigans of the Longhorn football team this off-season.

But he should keep in mind that old saw about glass houses, because it looks like things in South Bend are careening wildly out of control. Touchdown Jesus now must gaze sadly down on a veritable Sodom.

First, there was the arrest a couple of weeks ago of defensive tackle Derrell Hand for alleged solicitation of a prostitute, or whoremongering as we still like to call it. (It’s pretty pitiful this dude had to troll for $20 street action. I know this is Notre Dame and all, but Billy Joel was mucho misinformed when he said “Catholic girls start much too late.”)

The tales of debauchery continued when word of very highly touted freshman QB Jimmy Clausen’s June 23 arrest emerged mysteriously only last week. The teenaged signal-caller, and Lee Hotti look-alike, was popped for “transporting alcohol as a minor” – allegedly, a 23-year-old guy bought some hooch and Clausen gave him a ride. With, according to Weis, no intention of partaking himself.

"Did he have bad judgment, being in the wrong place at the wrong time?” Weis asked himself. “Absolutely."

Any time is the wrong time to be in the wicked fleshpot that the Fighting Irish gridders are trying to make out of placid South Bend, Indiana. – John Nova Lomax


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