"Delinquent" Behavior

Rachel Stuart-Haas's Confounding Her Emotions
Rachel Stuart-Haas

SAT 1/8

The promotional materials for Commerce Street Artists Warehouse's upcoming art opening state: " 'Wayward Delinquents' features the work of 18 artists known to frequent the same warehouses, back alleys, elevated trains and dive bars." Funny, that sounds like almost all of our friends, except for the "elevated trains" part (and we don't care to know about the back alleys). But surely the author is being ironic. Artists living in warehouses? Imbibing cheap liquor? Alert the media! We think what CSAW's trying to say is this: "If you enjoy the besotted charm of alcoholic deadbeats and relish the aesthetics of squalor, you won't want to miss this." Of the 18 losers represented, the boy-girl ratio is close to half and half, and the artists' mediums include fabrics, bubbles, duct tape and other ephemera. Included in the show is I Love You I Just Don't Love You, an audio installation by Paul Drueke in the main hall. Opens at 7 p.m. Saturday, January 8. 2315 Commerce Street. For information, call 713-226-7897 or visit www.commercestreet.org. Free. -- Troy Schulze

Move Over, Ozzy

A new reality show is looking for the next screwy family

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There was a time when no kid wanted to be filmed at home with the folks. But Kelly and Jack Osbourne have made crazy home life with the 'rents cool. Now NBC is searching the country for a family to be cast in a yet-to-be-named reality show set to air this spring. "It'll be a very family-friendly show," says Vaia Abatzis, the show's casting producer. "There's no worm-eating." Producers of the show are looking for "America's busiest family" or, more specifically, "active, overextended families" with busy working parents who ship their kids (aged anywhere from toddler to teen) to school, lessons, sports and everything else. The winning family wins a fat cash prize for its trouble and dysfunction. The Houston search runs through January, so visit www.nbc.com for an application. Free. - Steven Devadanam


Silent Bob Strikes Back

We've all had it: the "oh, shit" moment when you realize the very person you're talking about is standing just a few feet from you. My worst OS moment occurred recently at Bob Schneider's gig at the Engine Room.

After spending the evening surrounded by some 700 Schneider freaks, all of them enamored with his breezy pop ballads and sexy soul-swagger, I was about to split when Filthy McNasty and the Rhinestone Life took the stage as surprise openers. Wearing white stretch pants and a red parka, McNasty (Brian McManus, a Press contributor) strutted, posed and grabbed his nipples while shrieking "Bob Schneider!" between lyrics. In the end, the audience shrieked its eager -- if not confused -- approval.

"Where is Schneider?" I asked McNasty afterward as we stood outside, behind the backstage area. "I keep hearing he's, like, fat now. Doesn't he roll in a fancy Beemer that Sandra Bullock bought him?"

"Dude, I dunno," responded the sore-nippled McNasty as he sipped Red Stripes from a Schneider band-only beer stash. "I think he's got, like, long hair and a beard." Problem was, there were like four longhaired, bearded guys strolling around.

Then one of the longhaired guys (we'd later recognize him as Schneider's drummer) stuck his head outside and said, "Bob, we're on." The longhaired, bearded man standing three feet from us (and next to a BMW) flicked away his cigarette, smiled at us and took the stage to a now insane audience full of wannabe and wanna-do Schneiders.

I wanted to apologize, but he was gone. Was his smile genuine, or a "screw you"? Either way, I've learned my lesson: Never gossip about rock stars, no matter how fat they've gotten. -- Steven Devadanam

Ad It Up

FRI 1/7

It's tough to get people excited about watching 65 minutes' worth of commercials. So we'll do it this way: David Beckham. Scotch whiskey. Condoms. All are featured in the British Television Advertising Awards, which choose the best (or, should we say, least annoying) television ads from around the world. Yes, it's sad to think that we live in a society that rewards advertising executives, but admit it: You watch the Super Bowl for the ads. Now imagine all that excitement, but with no football in between. 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, January 7 and 8; 7 p.m. Sunday, January 9. Brown Auditorium at the Museum of Fine Arts, 1001 Bissonnet. For a full schedule, call 713-639-7531 or visit www.mfah.org/films. $6. -- Julia Ramey

Hunka Hunka Birthday Love

SAT 1/8

What's the best way to celebrate the King's birthday? Eatin', drinkin' and gamblin' like a fat pop icon. Today at Sam Houston Race Park, you can toast Elvis and his millions of impersonators at Elvis Presley's Birthday Celebration. Dress in your cape and sequins to get in free, or drop 50 cents and enjoy racing, a party, giveaways, a peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwich-eating contest and an Elvis look-alike contest, where the winner will receive $1,000. Do your best "Viva Las Vegas" routine at 5:30 p.m. Saturday, January 8. 7575 North Sam Houston Parkway West. For information, call 281-807-7223 or visit www.shrp.com. 50 cents for adults, free for children 12 and under. - Steven Devadanam

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