You may not have noticed, but American Idol started a new season last week. If you're like most people, you apparently didn't watch, because the ratings are way down.

This could be for any number of reasons. Idol has been on the air for what feels like forever, with pretty much the same formula all these years; it hasn't produced any major stars in some time; and it has now lost most of its original judges' panel. Some critics are even saying it should just be canceled already, and have been since last season.

I might agree with that, but in the interest of entertainment, I think that the show should stay on. All it needs is a little sprucing up. What do most TV shows do when they get old and ratings go down? The best of them go batshit crazy. Remember some of those later-season Seinfeld episodes? The season of Roseanne where the family won the lottery?

Exactly. There is a way to fix American Idol, but the show would need to be willing to take some risks. If anyone from Fox is reading this (and why wouldn't they be?), I have a few good suggestions to save the show.

5. Add a New Asshole Ever since original judge Simon Cowell left the show, there's been a distinct gap of meanness. Cowell was the resident asshole, tearing people's singing voices apart in the rudest ways and getting away with it because Americans are intimidated by people with British accents who speak their minds.

Randy Jackson, the last remaining original judge, has tried to fill this void, but he's just not a big enough asshole. My suggestion? Get Steve Albini. I know it might be hard to get him, but normally he does just about anything anybody asks him to do and is willing to pay him for. As anyone knows, Albini has no internal filter, even criticizing critic-proof bands like the Pixies and Sonic Youth in the past. So stick him in there and watch the sparks fly.