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5 Songs for Jesus' Grandma St. Anne's Day

5 Songs for Jesus' Grandma St. Anne's Day

If you grow up without any religion, you either avoid all trappings of it like the plague or you absolutely love to explore it. Rocks Off is firmly in the latter camp, and nothing gets us more excited than the culture of Saints in Catholicism. We've written many a letter to Wizards of the Coast suggesting some kind of combat card game utilizing the powers of these holy men and women, but all we ever get is another restraining order for the file.

If there is a single day that you cannot dedicate a feast to some kind of saint, then we haven't been able to find it. Granted, not all the saints are really exciting kind of people. For every one who can restore the dead from dismemberment - Santa Claus, in case you wondered - there's another who just led a quiet, godly life and died in bed.

Of course, the best things about saints is that they have jobs and areas of influence. There's a patron saint of everything, from vague things like lost objects right up to things like the internet (St. Isidore) and Holocaust survivors (St. Maximilian Kolbe). Today is the feast day of a big one, none other than St. Anne, Mary's mother and Jesus's nana.

In honor of her holiness, Rocks Off has put together five songs to honor her various patronages.

Josefine Cronholm, "Close to You"

St. Anne is the patron saint of carpenters, for obvious reasons, and though we're not fans of the Carpenters, we can think of at least one awesome version of their famous hit "Close to You." If for some reason you haven't seen Mirrormask, the 2005 film collaboration between Neil Gaiman, Dave McKean and the Jim Henson Company, then you are missing out on one of the greatest fantasy films ever made. This scene will either convince you or send you running in the opposite direction.

Yes, we know Bacharach and Hal David actually wrote it, but that isn't going to stop us from plugging this film or making a really lame pun.

Harvey Danger, "Sad Sweetheart of the Rodeo"

Why is Anne the patron saint of equestrians, instead of someone like Joan of Arc who actually had something to do with horses? Nobody has any freakin' idea. Seriously. One theory is that she took on equestrians because Lady Godiva rode naked through St. Anne's Square. Seems an odd thing to connect to the babymama of the Virgin Mother, but who are we to judge?

We've chosen Harvey Danger's "Sad Sweetheart of the Rodeo" to celebrate this area of Anne's influence. Surely she would lend her support to a bored office woman whose dream was to competitively ride.

 

Brent Jordan, "Thrift Store T-Shirt"

If you work down on Westheimer selling secondhand clothes to college students, St. Anne is your girl. She watches over old clothes sellers, which we assume means sellers of old clothes rather than just clothes sold by old people.

Meet Brent Jordan and his song. We actually haven't been able to find out much about the Raleigh indie rocker, but his tune "Thrift Store T-Shirt" is a neat little tune with a slightly dirty message if you really listen to the lyrics. I want to sleep in you tonight?

Kellie Coffey, "I Would Die for That"

Having spent many years and thousands of dollars trying to overcome it, it's nice to know that there is a saint watching over the infertile, and that pregnancy is also under her patronage. Anne takes care of both, due to the legend of being an older woman who had never conceived but one day found herself with child - the mother of the messiah no less.

We could do without Kellie Coffey's heavy-handed opening lines on why she can't understand why a teenage friend would have an abortion while she would give anything for a child, but we know the feeling. When you're going through it, every fertile couple seems like a pair of thieves to you

Alice Cooper, "Desperado"

Finally, the city of Detroit is under St. Anne's protection. Why? It was the result of a 2009 essay contest. Really.

As long as we're picking Detroit musicians, we are always going to go with the one and only Alice Cooper. Yes, he's a Protestant, but he does get double duty with "Desperado" since Anne also oversees lace-makers and Cooper plainly says he wears lace and black leather.


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