I mean, it's very hot. It's hot like we offended God. Maybe it was the gay-marriage thing, maybe some kids made fun of a bald priest and instead of sending bears to mete out smiting he sent the sun. One of those is in the Bible, but I can't really think very hard right now because there's a slight bubbling sound in my ears that I'm pretty sure is the boiling of my own brain.
I've got a lot of Scottish friends for some reason, and I try to explain what summer in Houston is like. Try this: Take a washcloth and drop it into a pot of boiling water. After five minutes, fish it out with tongs, wrap it around your fist, and punch yourself in the face until your hand breaks. That's summer in Houston, Texas, a combination global warming and herpes flare-up.
Some people like to celebrate Christmas in July to take their minds off of the heat, but I'm broke so instead I'd just like to bask in the icy breeze of these wintry music videos.
Lindsey Stirling, "Crystallize": I keep meaning to get in touch with the lovely and talented Ms. Sterling because every time I hear this song I think I've discovered a lost track from the Final Fantasy IV soundtrack. Marko G. Produced this amazing video at the world famous Ice Castles in Utah.
Blood on the Dance Floor, "Unforgiven": I get a lot of flack about it from the Gothic Council, but I really dig BOTDF. Over the top, modernist, popular, nice guys to boot, what's not to like? Plus, "Unforgiven" is exactly how I picture Heaven, stark trees, snow, cloudy skies, dark dance music, and Halloween pumpkins. When I die - probably of heat stroke - I want to go spend eternity in this video.
"Unforgiven" reminds me of...
Metallica, "King Nothing": Lots of people hated Load, but I think it's stood the test of time as a pretty damned decent hard-rock album. Plus, it's the first album for which Metallica produced more than one decent music video (and don't say "Enter Sandman" either; that shit survives on the strength of the song alone).
"King Nothing" is a stellar and interesting feat by director Matt Mahurin and shot in snowy Utah. Kudos to whoever put the wooly hat on Lars. It's the only time I'm ever found him endearing.
Nightwish, 'Nemo": If they ever make a movie out of Anvil of the Ice I hope they hire director Antti Jokinen to bring the Mastersmith's tower to life. He paints a magical, glacial landscape that matches the metal of Nightwish with the opera of Tarja Turunen's voice. It's impossible to be further from the Summer than in the video for "Nemo."
Delerium, "Incantation": Of course, if you really want to escape from the heat of the day, you'd be best off hiding in an ice cave. As long as your there, why not pass the time with a barbarian tale of fire and magic?
Ladytron, "Destroy Everything You Touch": Trust Ladyton to take a good snowy vid to the next level by actually becoming the hills and mountains within the video for "Destroy Everything You Touch." It's an incredibly original idea that I'm ashamed to have missed when I was searching for cool music videos in 2011. I'll have to keep a closer eye on them.
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Counting Crows, "A Long December": Despite the fact that I'm not much of a Counting Crows fan, this song has always stuck with me. It's not just the heat that kills me about summer. It's just that it always seems like a season of death down here, full of unbearable atmosphere. It always makes me long for the end of the year and the comparative anonymity of the cold.
And like Adam Durtiz says, "Maybe this year will be better than the last." That's the promise of winter, that maybe it's the ending of the bad old and the birth of the good new. Tough times like these, you can't blame a dude for wanting to skip ahead to the end.