"Through their own words they will be exposed / They've got a sudden case of the Emperor's New Clothes."
Surely you've heard the story of how a rich and powerful ruler was duped by a con man who pretended to weave magnificent garments visible only to those who weren't stupid, and then went parading around town naked as a jaybird until a small child too young to know that calling rulers on their bullshit is a one-way ticket to a Judas Cradle shouted out, "Dude, boss man's royal prerogative is flopping in the sunbeams," thus revealing the gullibility of the king and his subjects.
Author's note: Longest run-on sentence yet? Editor's note: Nope, your last one beats it by five words. Author's note: Alas. Editor's note: Sigh.
The story comes from Hans Christian Andersen, who wrote it after working his way into the aristocracy and then finding out that it was full of pretentious hypocrites. That's a good lesson, but most of us take it to mean, "If you're doing something stupid, a child is sure to point it out." With that, I've compiled a list of some of the top pop music acts of the day being exposed by the only authorities we can truly trust...babies, puppies, and kitties.
Right off the bat we go right into the heart of darkness. This adorable kitty makes his feeling on Justin Bieber quite clear. He doesn't even have to hear his music. Bieber's image alone invokes a snarl. Though the kitty loses some credibility by not hissing at Nick Jonas, it does at least prove that his reaction isn't to the magazine, but to the actual image on it.
A one-year-old girl reacts to Miley Cyrus with visible fear and a heartrending scream. Her father fares better with "Living on a Prayer," which she responds to with happy bounces. I'd mock her...but I know every word to "Runaway" so it would be kind of petty. Also, mocking babies is apparently frowned upon in this blog. [Yes -- ed.]
Poor Lucy. Her owner plays her some Katy Perry and the result is quite sad. Lucy alternates between hiding her head from the horrible noise and attempting to silence it by eating it. When that doesn't work, she flees and looks forlornly across the room at her master until the assault ceases.
Nickelback's "Photograph" may in fact be the worst song that has ever been allowed to exist. I've sent repeated letters to former president George W. Bush asking him if the tune was actually part of a government plot to build the perfect song for breaking the spirits of interrogation suspects, but I have not as yet heard back. This kitty goes into full-on disaster drill mode by covering its ears until the bad, bad noise goes away.
Look, everybody hates Rebecca Black's "Friday." Well, except maybe not when Stephen Colbert sings it, but everyone definitely hates the original. Yet, even as bad as that song is, you have to marvel at the sheer intensity of this child's dislike.
I've seen my daughter react better to vaccinations than this poor girl does to the difficult decision of what seat to sit in. The info on the video exclaims, "I ddnt knw she disliked it that much." Well, you knw it nw.
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And then there was Coldplay. Apparently this kitty usually attacks his owner whenever he hears Coldplay, which means that the cat is going right to the source of the insult. This time, however, he decides to try and reach under the laptop and drag U2-lite out of the Internet and eat them.
Doesn't work, but he tried, which is more than most of us have done to quiet Coldplay.