5:55 p.m.: One of the things I like most about Warehouse Live is how professional and courteous the door staff is. My favorite is how they do that thing where you walk up to them and smile and say, "Hey, how are you?" and then they look at you like you're the biggest asshole on earth. It's sweet. 6:02: Vince Young is on stage handing Bun B a relief check for $2,000. That's a good look. 6:02:30: I just remembered that it wasn't too long ago that Vince Young had gone completely cuckoo. Somebody should tell Bun to check that check carefully. He's going to be embarrassed if he hands it to a bank teller and she hands it back because Vince just drew a bunch of ducks on it.
6:09: If you were asked to guess how many toddlers you'd see at a nighttime rap concert and you responded "Zero," you'd be wrong by four. Yeesh. But at least one of the ladies with a baby is standing right next to a huge speaker. That's good. 6:15: Pimp C's mom is here. That's really sad for some reason. 6:16: By the way, several acts have already performed. None of them were noteworthy. Sorry, they just weren't. 6:30: The GRIT Boys are pumping through a few of their songs. How is it that these guys never really gained any serious traction? Is it because one of their guys is named "Scooby"? Has there ever been a rapper with the same name as a cartoon dog who was able to blow up? Probably something you want to consider when you're coming up with your rap name. 6:32: Bryan A. from Day 26, the boy band that Diddy put together on one of his Making the Band shows, is here. He's kinda out of shape. That's not a good look for him. R&B singers either have to be really cut or really fat. There's no in between. I think that's why Musiq Soulchild never blew up like he should have; he just wasn't fat enough. 6:38: So we're all just gonna say that we've got family in Haiti? Cool. Got it.
6:40: The Botany Boyz are here. Cool. Good to see those guys performing. They do that song that's a rip of the Beastie Boys' "Paul Revere." That has to be one of the flyest beats of all time. 6:46: Hey, someone invited Papa Reu. He's doing "Put It In The Air." That's an okay song if you listen to it on YouTube, but it's a very good song if you hear it in person. Still, he'll never outdo the chorus that he did for Scarface's "High Powered." That's the one that goes "Beep, beep goes the sound of my cellular." Is that an acceptable existence for an artist, a few okay singles and one exceptional hook? I think it might be. 6:56: Killa's here. He does not do his "H-Town State of Mind." That's disappointing.
6:59: I will never not be infatuated with white guys that wear doo-rags. There's just something about it that's mesmerizing. It's the same way I feel about really drunk Asian guys. Have you ever been around a really drunk Asian guy? That shit is amazing. 7:09: Fat Pimp is introduced as our next performer. Did you just ask yourself, "Who the shit is Fat Pimp?" too? 7:09:30: Oooooh, Fat Pimp is Mr. Rack Daddy. "Rack Daddy" was one of those dance tracks that was fun the first four times you heard it but then became completely unbearable. 7:30: J-Smooth is doing his "Go Hard or Go Home" song. I wonder what the over/under is for how many people in here are making a "He needs to go on home then" joke? 10.5? 12.5? 7:40: Cory Mo sighting. 7:44: I always feel pressure to wash my hands for an extra long time whenever there's a restroom attendant. It's like I feel like I need to impress him or something, like he's going to be at home with his wife later this talking about how thoroughly I cleaned my hands.
7:49: Slim is pounding through a few hits. He touches on "Tippin' on 4's," "Draped Up," "I Run," "Thug" and "Associates." See, that's how you do a proper set right there. You come out, hit song after song after song, give dap to a few of the important guys onstage with you and then get the eff off. Kudos. 8:00: Amobi Okoye from the Houston Texans is onstage. He just donated $1,750. Good look. That's approximately $1166 for every sack he got this season. (That's 1.5 sacks total... low... real low.) Think on it like this: That's only 1.5 more NFL sacks than I had. 8:08: Candi Redd is onstage. The best part of her performance: She preempts her "Independent Bitches" track by giving props to girls with their own hair while her backup dancer with the oh-so-obvious wig pretends not to feel awkward about the situation.
8:17: Lil' O! He's always been one of the more underrated MCs in town. Remember how hot "Back, Back" was when it first came out? Everybody in the world knew that "Playa, fuck you, you ain't got ta like me" line. And there was also the "Don't make me pepper spray your face, have you looking all spicy" line. And the "Here's a little story bout a player like me: I fuck bad broads, live large and drive V's" line. Matter of fact, that whole first verse was nuts. 8:25: Just Brittany is performing "Call me For That Good." The song implies that her vagina is better than average. But just in case there was any confusion about the situation, she pats herself on the crotch whenever she gets to the part of the chorus that says "that good." Subtlety is overrated. 8:32: Ack. The Party Boys are here. It's like the people that are running the show are just looking into the crowd going "Oh, hey, you, you right there in the hat, you wanna come on stage and do a song? You can if you want to. You say you're not famous? Don't worry about it. Nobody will even know."
8:43: ESG is doing his freestyle thing. He's brought his less-than-10-year-old son, Killa B, on stage with him. Killa B breaks out into a flow and the crowd goes bonkers. Great moment. Then ESG busts through clips of Hawk's "Chillin' With My Broad," Pat's "Tops Drop," UGK's "Int'l Players Anthem" and Moe's "At The Club." ESG rarely disappoints. 8:43:30: In case you're keeping score, that's one Okay Set That Could've Been Better If They Had More Energy (GRIT Boys), one Better Than Expected set (Reu), one Good Because He Did His Best Song And Didn't Water It Down With A Bunch Of Newer, Less Good Stuff set (Lil' O), two You Could Tell These Guys Have Done This Before sets (Slim, Botany Boyz) one great set (ESG and Killa B), and 39 unnecessary sets (everyone else). That's a bad ratio. 9:10: Trae's here. He does snippets of "In Tha Hood," "Grey Cassette," that song with Bryan from Day 26, calls out those that didn't come out to support and segues smoothly into "No Help," then closes out by doing an a cappella version of "I Gotta Survive." That's a solid playlist.
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9:18: Bun is (finally) performing, only one hour and 20 minutes after the event was supposed to be over. Fortunately, he tears through everyone's shit who was patient enough to stick around to see him. As usual, "One Day" and "Int'l Players Anthem" draw big applause, but "Big Pimpin'" gets a nice reception too.
Jokes aside, one hundred percent of the proceeds tonight are supposed to go to the Haitians, and the show probably raised in the neighborhood of $10,000, so that's good. There aren't too many other ways to say it: Bun is the hoss.
For more photos from the night, check out our slideshow.