Album Covers You'll Never, Ever See on Any UK Stamps
The UK's Royal Mail recently unveiled a series of stamps based on classic British album covers, including the Rolling Stones' Let It Bleed and The Clash's London Calling. Rumor has it Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here was rejected due to the burning man on the cover, with the Royal Mail electing to go with the much better-known cover of Dark Side of the Moon instead. Just kidding. That would have made far too much sense; they actually chose The Division Bell, Pink Floyd's final album and one that doesn't even feature Roger Waters. Okay, well, we suppose every stamp set has to have one that absolutely no one wants. Leafing through these iconic album covers, Rocks Off was forced to wonder which English albums not only didn't make the cut this time around, but will probably never make the cut, no matter how many album-cover stamp collections they release.
Queen, A Kind of Magic It's not the ugliest Queen album cover of all time (you'll see that one later), but it's entirely possible no album cover of its time quite so loudly screams "1991." We're surprised none of them are high-fiving a cartoon turtle on a skateboard.
David Bowie "Hello Mr. Bowie, welcome to Glamour Shots. Have you been here before? No? Well then, have a seat over here under our Hairspray Cannon."
Patrick Wolf Less of an ode to childlike whimsy and more like the first couple of levels in Silent Hill 3.
Rod Stewart Oh Jesus, RUN, KID! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
The Chameleons We know those are supposed to look like turntables, but someone should have tipped the Chameleons off that the whole thing comes together like a Polish surrealist painter's take on Mickey Mouse.
Duran Duran Ugh. If this album cover sums up a decade, let us learn its history so that we may never repeat it. And why the Milli Vanilli dreads?
Tears for Fears Looks like they couldn't decide on a concept, so they just went ahead and included them all.
Bauhaus Very nearly not a goofy cover, if only they had panned to the left a bit and focused on the scary-looking Droogie fellow instead of the panda. Pandas: Not Very Goth.
Rolling Stones Terrible, ugly album cover, but actually would have made a great profile picture for Charlie Watts' Facebook page.
A Flock of Seagulls Like most things they did, this cover is an aggressive assault on the eyes. If you squint and stare at it long enough, you can see a dead rat teeming with the Hanta virus.
George Michael You know, this actually wouldn't be a bad cover for a Korn Christmas album.
Elvis Costello Holy shit. This looks like a rejected DVD cover for the Jim Carrey film The Mask. The fact that someone talked Elvis into dressing up like a wall-mounted ska-clown is a good clue as to why the man has tended to wear nothing but tasteful suits and hats for the past several years. Is all the dignity back yet, Elvis? Is any of it?
The Beatles Of course this album cover was almost immediately recalled upon release. Was anybody surprised? Why anyone would want to document the Fab Four's excursion to a Baby Mine Field Testing Range is beyond us, but the results are nauseating and disturbing, particularly Paul's expression.
Erasure Just so you know, this album was professionally designed in 2007, not ripped off of a third-grade girl's binder cover 20 years previous. This is what the sky looked like the night someone finally managed to take She-Ra's virginity.
Queen, The Miracle The miracle will be if we are ever able to close our eyes again without seeing this in our nightmares.
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