"Are you going to StripperFest?"
"Excuse me, am I going to what?"
"StripperFest. It's a thing at All-Star Weekend."
Rewind:
All the Rappers Who Will Be Here All-Star Weekend, Part 1
If I told you a complete stranger with his or her own guide to All-Star Weekend told me such a thing, I would be lying. Instead these words of eloquent debauchery would belong to my father, who obviously had one thing in mind when dealing with the gamut of celebrities and wannabe celebrities set to descend on Houston next week.
StripperFest is pretty much the Super Bowl for dancers across the country. Tons of money will be flying around, and there will be both bottle service and a great chance a tax-refund check will completely disappear in a matter of minutes, with nobody say anything about it because they knew exactly what they were getting into.
Stripperfest is your clearest, most byzantine definition of what All-Star Weekend could be. That and the Olympic sport known as People-Watching will reach epic proportions.
The fun thing about Stripperfest/ASW people-watching the is the smell of wannabe desperation in the air. These are people who will do anything and everything to try and seem like they belong in a world that possibly doesn't even exist.
Oh, and the same goes for some of the other All-Star events going on this weekend. Here's a few more -- but unlike the previous batch of events in Thursday's "Mario Elie Package," you might want to start rubbing your hands together for a miracle to get into them.
THE CLYDE DREXLER PACKAGE ($75-$100) (Comes in thanks to a major group deal.)
THURSDAY
Bun B & Kirko Bangz @ Bambou (2540 University, Tickets) Bun said, "See you in February for the All-Star Game" back in 2006 and it stuck. Now here he is hosting with Houston's most visible new artist and the fun thing about the package here is that you could buy tickets for 2 Chainz & Future's show at Venue PLUS tickets to DJ Drama's day party at Avenue (4500 Washington).
Love and Basketball feat. Kenny Smith & Biz Markie @ Rich's (2401 San Jacinto, Tickets) This could be considered the Kenny Smith Package, given that Kenny is the one throwing the party but for Valentine's Day, it's $80 and Biz Markie. Nobody beats the Biz.
FRIDAY
All-Star Takeover feat. Evelyn Lozada & Draya Michele @ Bambou (Tickets) There's early-bird specials, and then there's an absolutely eye-popping "THAT DUDE" portion here where you can spend $12,000 on a section. That's right, $12K. Plus, you're dealing with two members of Basketball Wives here. One is enough. Draya and Evelyn? Good luck.
SUNDAY
Chris Brown & Carmelo Anthony @ The Drake (1902 Washington, Tickets) You want a polarizing party? You've got Chris Brown, music's reigning public enemy No. 1, and Carmelo Anthony, who could easily be offended if you mention Honey Nut Cheerios to him. Team Breezy would be in full effect here, so be prepared to deal with overzealous fans.
DIDDY DOES THE DAMN THING
Friday: The Drake (1902 Washington, Tickets) Saturday: With Rick Ross @ The Compound at Hess Club (5430 Westheimer, Tickets) Sunday: With Scott Disick @ The Compound at Hess Club (5430 Westheimer, Tickets)
Despite the different venues, we're talking Diddy here. And Diddy things always tend to be done with the sort of extravagance that you honestly never know what could happen. Rick Ross is pretty much the same way -- he once cradled a freaking jaguar as a pet. And Scott Disick? Arguably the biggest baller who dicked his way into a family -- ever.
