Am I a Mama's Boy or a Good Son? Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
MAMA'S BOY OR GOOD SON?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a single 34-year-old man with no kids. I haven't had a relationship in a while. I work two jobs to help my mother, who had been working for the Houston Chronicle newspaper for twentysomething years. They laid her off in 2005, now she has a new job but it doesn't pay well. She couldn't pay her mortgage and utilities by herself so I stepped in to help her out.
To save money I decided to move back in with my mom but people view this as a negative thing. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting at home doing nothing and making babies like a lot of mama's boys do. I really want to have a relationship with a lady but it seems I can't because of my situation. What can I do?
You're right in that society frowns on grown men who live with their mothers. As with the expectation of a woman being wholesome, it's one of those double-standard things we have to live with.
To a woman, a man living with his mother under any circumstances is not attractive. Women want to live in their own house with their man, and they don't want another woman telling their man what to do. Additionally, they don't want their man considering another woman's needs ahead of their own, even if that woman is his destitute mother.
If you want to be in a relationship and taken seriously, get your own place. If you can't afford to help your mom and have your own place, move her in with you. When you finally meet the one you want to take home to mom, make sure you're not locked out outside because you missed your curfew.
I'M PREGNANT; NOW WHAT?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a junior in high school who is secretly carrying a baby. My boyfriend and me used to be together every day. I would hang out at his house and he would be at my house all the time. But when I got pregnant he told me that the baby was not his and broke up with me. I cheated on him once but I have been faithful to him for over eight months.
My mother is a single parent who is not the most understanding person in the world, so I don't want to tell her; not until I figure out if I want to keep the baby or have an abortion. If I decide to have an abortion I will probably never tell her about it. Why open a can of worms?
I'm a big girl, so it's hard for anyone to tell I'm pregnant. I messed up bad because my mother is always chewing at my ear about unprotected sex and having babies before I finish school and establish a career.
I live in a small town where people gossip and everybody is in everybody's business. When a friend of mine became a teenage mother they belittled her so bad that she eventually left town to live with her grandmother. I want an abortion but at the same time I want to keep my baby. But how can I take care of it? I can't even take care of myself.
If I continue the pregnancy I'm going to miss out on so many school functions and activities with my friends. My mother has said on several occasions that she's not raising any more babies. I don't know what to do. Please help me!
Pregnant & Solo:
It sucks you had to find out the hard way that babies are serious business. I support a woman's right to choose, but you are not a woman. You're a 17-year-old child who lives at home with your mom. Regardless of how negative your mother might be, under no circumstances should you keep something as consequential as your pregnancy away from her. She brought you into this world, nourished and raised you. She earned the right to know about important decisions that affect your life.
When you were laying up having sex you weren't intimidated by your mom. No need to switch it up now. Put your big-girl panties back on and tell your mom you're pregnant so that she can provide mature guidance and you won't have to go through such an emotional time alone. Sure she will be hurt and upset in the beginning, but what is she going to do, kick you out? That's highly unlikely.
More questions for Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
I live at home with my mom and dad who is a pastor. So I'm expected to act in a way that's conducive to being the preacher's daughter. He doesn't want me to go on dates, hang out after ten o'clock at night, or spend any time alone with boys. That was all fine and dandy a couple of years ago, but I'm 19 years old now. I'm not a baby anymore. I'm a woman with a need to be liberated and open to explore my sexual energy.
He doesn't know but I have had a boyfriend for the past six months. We have kissed and have come close to having intercourse a few times. Of course this is very frustrating to my boyfriend. Like any guy, he wants to go all the way and so do I but not without my dad's blessings.
A lot of daughters wouldn't care what their dad thought about their sex life but I do. I feel guilty going behind his back to have a relationship. At the same time, because of his strictness I don't know how to approach him to have a conversation about the matter.
I want to tell my dad about my boyfriend so bad, but I feel that he will be disappointed in me because he is always telling everybody how much of a good girl I am. How do I express to him that I need more freedom and tell him about my boyfriend without starting World War III?
Your dad isn't a fool. He knows at some point the day will come when he has to relinquish his post as the central man in your life. Fathers of daughters silently suffer for years dreading the moment we have to let go. Subsequently, we will hold on as long as possible to our baby girls because that's what we do. Most 19-year-olds on a mission for freedom would just move out.
If you're not quite ready to leave the nest, go to your dad and express how you feel about not being allowed to date and come home late. Remind him of all the times you did the right thing, not just because it was the right thing but also because you have self-respect and you didn't want to let him down. He may not like it but he will get over it.
Now here's the kicker; do you reveal to him that you've been secretly dating your boyfriend for six months, or do you omit your relationship status and introduce him as your new boyfriend some time in the near future? They say honesty is the best policy; however, sometimes reporting a minor infraction can get your policy canceled. In that case what your dad don't know won't hurt him.
MY FRIEND IS CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND
Dear Willie D:
I'm a married woman whose friend is having an affair with her husband's boss. I have told her to end it but she will not listen. I'm a good friend to both her and her husband.
Although I met him through her, I view their friendships equally. I want to tell him but I don't know how. I feel horrible withholding this information whenever we're all together but I don't want to be responsible for their breakup. What are my options?
The fact that you have no priority allegiance to either friend puts you on a slippery slope with no breaks. Besides telling your friend to end the affair, there's not much you can do but be there to support her and her husband if or when the wheels fall off of their relationship.
If you insist on notifying the husband of his cheating wife, be sure to strap on full body armor because although people like being well-informed, when the news is bad they will often shoot the messenger. If I were you, I would stay out of it.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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