Ask Willie D: How Do I Keep the Love Alive?
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about, in his own words, "funny, serious, unpredictable, diverse coverage of real-life shit." Got some real-life shit bothering you? Ask Willie D!
BABY MAMA DRAMA
I have joint custody of my son. I love him to death but his mom; my ex-wife is driving me away from him by constantly trying to push my button wanting to argue. I'm trying to be peaceful for my son but I'm thinking about getting out of his life before I snap on her. What should I do?
Wow. Sheldon, that's a heartbreaker, homie. I can tell you what I wouldn't do quicker than I can tell you what I would do. Under no circumstances would I abandon my son. When my son Blake was born it was the second proudest moment of my life -- the first being the birth of my daughter Caen.
Not knowing in advance what his gender would be, when he was being delivered and I saw his jewels I was so happy that I dropped his mother's leg and yelled so loud that all of the doctors and nurses working the graveyard shift in the maternity ward came rushing into the room.
I can't see how some men could voluntarily miss the opportunity to witness the child they helped to create come to life, let alone not be involved in the nurturing and development of them.
Whatever you do, don't snap. They got expensive lawyers and correctional facilities with hard cots, funky cellmates and nasty food for that. If you can't trust your temper when she pushes your buttons, you should probably arrange for a family member or close friend to meet with her at a designated location away from your home to receive or drop him off to her.
If he has a game or is in a play at school, sit as far away from her as possible. If he has a birthday party take him a gift, snap a few pictures and burn off.
Distancing yourself from your son's mother doesn't mean you have to distance yourself from him. You don't want him to think when a man has issues with a woman the first thing he does is lose his cool and neglect his responsibilities.
I don't care how difficult the relationship is walking out of your son's life is not an option and laying hands on his mother may not turn out like you think.
KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE
I have only been dating my guy for a year, and I already feel like the love is lost. He doesn't bring me flowers, he doesn't call to meet for lunch, and he is only interested in sex about once a week. He used to be the most romantic man I had ever been with.
He says that nothing is wrong; he is just tired. Should I end it because it is a lost cause that will only go downhill from here, or should I hang on in hope that the love will rebound?
Katie, don't you dare think about touching that doorknob. Turn your sexy butt around and take a warm shower. When you're done, reach into that closet and find something nice to wear and spray on some Bond No. 9, then go directly to wherever your man is. If prying eyes prevent you from being intimate on site, find an alternative location and put it on him like you was a dancer auditioning for a Beyoncé video.
All of us -- males and females -- go the extra mile when the relationship is fresh. As with a new car, we pay attention to detail and are careful not to damage it. But after we've driven it for a while and the newness wears off, we become complacent carelessly hitting potholes, getting dings and not keeping it as clean as we used to.
I'm not in your home but I'm sure there are things you used to do that your man appreciated that you no longer do. To expect anyone to be their same great, perfect self months or even years into a relationship is not realistic, and if you leave them to date someone else because the spice is missing, don't be surprised if you find yourself in the same situation chasing that new-car scent.
What would be your advice to a person who wants to begin a new business but is afraid to do so because of the economy and afraid of being in debt with banks and investors for life?
Hey Martin, give the money to your alcoholic gambling uncle; he'll know what to do.
VIOLENCE IN AMERICA
It seems almost every day now we hear about another shooting taking place in public such as those in Aurora, Colo. and Newtown, Conn. As I write this, an ex-cop turned murderer is on the TV attempting to elude authorities. Violence has always been an issue in our society, especially in the ghettos. What do you think is the source of all this tension in our country today?
Mike, violence is the child of pain. People are hurting and the only way some of them know how to make themselves feel better is to gain some sense of power by hurting others. I know, because that's what I used to do.
When you come from a place like I came from, displays of love and compassion are aberrant. Self-worth is minimized by circumstances, and you become desensitized to the value of human life and compassion for others. But that behavior is not limited to geography or socioeconomic status.
Most mass murderers seem to come from affluent backgrounds, and so do the people out there shooting folks behind loud music and fender-benders.
When you dig into their background, you'll often find abuse, isolation and neglect. We can ban all the guns we want but until we deal with abuse, mental health and invest in building minds not prisons the body count will continue to mount.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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