I Want to Get Rid of My Possessive Ex. Help!

I Want to Get Rid of My Possessive Ex. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow

Dear Willie D:

I sent a message about this before, but I'm not sure I sent it to the right address. So, last year a crazy relationship I was in ended. I moved and had forgotten all about him. Around October, I gave my number to a new guy and I talked to him briefly on the phone. A couple of months later, dude is still calling but he's more persistent. So I decided to talk to him when I realized he was cool.

One day I was going to his place and saw my ex’s car outside his damn place. I turned around and went home quick! I never told dude what I saw, but decided to keep talking to him to find out what was going on. In one of these conversations, I heard my ex get on the phone and say I played games with the wrong one now. I noticed more and more the new dude starts popping up everywhere I am.

What's more, people I do not know will act like they’re just trying to get my number, but are letting me know they know my ex on the cool. I am not BSing. This happens to me all the damn time. I'm afraid to talk to anyone because of this. Plus, my ex likes to drive by slow when he knows I'm out. This man knows my every damn move. To make a long story short, I called my ex to put an end to it.

He asked me for some pussy. I told him I don't have a sex drive. He told me I don't have to have a sex drive to get fucked. Finally, I told him I would but after that he has to leave me alone. Now he's asking for extra shit that wasn't part of the agreement. And I said no. Now he's started back driving where I am again, and having different dudes follow me. If you can answer this, please do. Oh, and I'm not going to the cops, so please don’t suggest it.

Crazy Relationship:

It doesn’t sound to me like you want your ex out of your life for good. If you tell him you’re no longer interested in him, and all he has to do is drive by where you are to pull you back in, guess what? He’s going to continue to get his neighborhood watch on.

Your ex is using classic stalking fear tactics to control you. If you’re not going to ask the court for a restraining order, and you don’t have any male figures in your life who will handle the situation, or you’re not going to wait until he falls asleep to Lorena Bobbitt him, I don’t know what to tell you except get comfortable.

When you really want someone out of your life, you don’t bargain with him, and you sure as hell don’t give him the bunny.

MORAL DILEMMA

Dear Willie D:

I gave birth to two sons, the first one at 13. It was a very dark time in my life that I don't think I truly got over, because when I meet new people now and we start talking about our families, some of them ask, how old are your boys, and I reveal that they are currently 28 and 30 years old — I'm 44.

I can almost see them doing the math in their heads and I feel like I'm silently being judged, which brings back the feeling of shame and stigma that I dealt with during that time. How do I get past this so that it is no longer a sensitive topic for me?

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Moral Dilemma:

Too often, teen mothers receive shame instead of support. Your boys are 28 and 30. What’s done is done. There are positives to be found in almost any situation, regardless of how difficult your experience is. As human beings, whenever we don’t make the best decision, the next step should be to make the best out of the decision.

If I were you, I wouldn’t torture myself for something that happened so long ago. The only thing that matters right now is, are you a good mother? Being a teen mother is hard, but being a parent is hard regardless of when it happens to you.

HOW DO I BOUNCE BACK FROM BEING INCARCERATED AT A YOUNG AGE?

Dear Willie D:

This is a question, and a comment on your clip on that youngster whose trap house got raided. I applaud your efforts in trying to help the future. It seems they need it more than ever. I was once there myself. I got 7½ years in the joint when I was 21 (I'm now 40) for aggravated assault and discharge of a firearm.

I've been out now about 11 years. Luckily, I found tattooing. It was my saving grace. I've been tattooing for over ten years, almost the whole time since I was released. I owned a shop for six of those years, and sold it not too long ago. Anyways, so I tried to open one again a couple of months ago in a different city, but the same state. They denied me because of my felony, which is almost 20 years old now. It follows you around forever.

My wife and I are trying to appeal it. Nobody wants to listen unless you have a lawyer. So that's where we’re at now: trying to save up for one. I already have the new studio, called Redemption Tattoo, in Maricopa, Arizona. I've been paying on it, but can't operate until I get that city license. It's so frustrating. They’re basically saying you can own a business in this town, just as long as you’re not a felon.

I've been dealing with this since I got released. I keep my head up and keep going. I can't let them win! We just had our first baby, Sophia. She's incredible. I just wanted to say thank you for trying to reach the youth. I see your clips, and I love the positive message in all of them. I was wondering if you could send a shout-out to me and my family, or help me out with some advice?

Bouncing Back:

Your felony is old, so there’s a good chance you could get it expunged. But that’ll set you back a couple of racks on the low. Another option would be to put the shop in your girl’s name, or someone else you trust enough not to try to steal from you. Yet another option would be to pursue a business that will allow you to operate with a felony.

Otherwise, it appears to me that you’re doing all the things you need to do to properly re-enter society and be a productive citizen. You’re earning an honest living, and taking care of your family. That’s honorable.

Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.


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