Ask Willie D: My Grown Pothead Son Won't Move Out
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
GUILTY OF RAISING A DEADBEAT
Willie D, my son is a complete and utter deadbeat. Since he graduated from high school four years ago, he has been to jail twice: once for possession of marijuana and the other time for driving with a suspended license. He still lives at home with me and his father, and all he does every single moment of the day is smoke weed, sleep, eat and use the bathroom.
Growing up, he was a good kid but he wasn't required to do chores, and we -- or should I say I -- gave him everything he wanted without conditions. His father says it's time for him to get out on his own and become a man. But knowing how I handicapped him, I can't bring myself to kick my son out of the house. I feel responsible. What do I do?
Children are like bank accounts: You get out of them what you put into them. If your account balance is $50 and you write a check for $2,000, what do you think is going to happen?
At this point your son's behavior might be irreversible. Children have to be given boundaries and taught the value of work and responsibility in their most formative years, which many experts say is birth to 15. By not teaching your son the habit of responsibility, by default you taught him the habit of irresponsibility.
If you really want your grown son out of your house, on his own and functioning as a responsible adult, give him a move-out date and stick to it; six to nine months should be plenty of time for him to find a job and get his own place.
If he fails to do so within that time period, you will have to inject some tough love and kick him out, or he might become your bingo partner in a few years.
HOPING TO MEET HIS MOTHER
What kind of woman would a man take home to his mom?
As far as men with discriminating taste are concerned, there are two types of females. One is the fun girl who is Rick James super-freaky. She is unpredictable and exhilarating.
The other is the steady, sure type. She cares about what people think of her and goes to great lengths to protect her reputation; this is the one he feels will make a good wife and mother. She will be the one who gets the ring, his last name and the coveted visit to Mom's house.
But let's keep it real. The average man these days will take home anything the wind blows in to meet his mother. As long as he likes her, that's all that matters.
But that's the dude who has little respect for a mother's wisdom. He thinks fat meat ain't greasy. Don't be surprised if he ends up on the wrong end of a Lifetime Movie.
SNUBBED BY A FRIEND
Willie D, I have a friend that's been acting weird with me. She won't return my calls and kind of ignores me. I love her like a sister and don't look at her in any other way. I tried reaching out to her, but I feel that she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Should I write her, talk to her about it, or should I just let it be and not worry about her any longer?
I have a friend that's been acting weird with me. She won't return my calls and kind of ignores me. I love her like a sister and don't look at her in any other way. I tried reaching out to her, but I feel that she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Should I write her, talk to her about it, or should I just let it be and not worry about her any longer?
It would have been helpful if you could have pointed to a motive for your friend's ignoring you. Talking behind your buddy's back, telling her secrets, lying and being selfish or a troublemaker are some of the more common causes for having your friendship pass revoked.
So that his or her mate doesn't get jealous, and to keep down confusion, sometimes a friend will end or hit the pause button in a platonic relationship when he becomes involved in an intimate relationship. However, to call yourself a friend and stop communicating with a friend for no apparent reason known to that friend is a coward's way to dissolve a friendship. I don't know where those types of people come from.
Since she's ignoring you, try contacting your friend via cell phone. Leave voice and text messages to be sure she gets it. Tell her what's on your mind, but make it short and sweet.
End your message with a call to action. Something like "This will be my last time reaching out to you. If you're interested in continuing our friendship, give me a call" should be sufficient.
At that point, the ball will be in her court. She can either be a player -- in your life -- or a fan in the stands.
I'm writing to you because I am 19 and I have a problem with my mother. She is always telling me what to do like I'm still ten years old. How do I break the cycle? When I tell her I will just move out, she starts crying, and then I cannot leave her. My mother is always making me feel guilty. Please help me!
Next time write a note to your mom telling her that you're moving out, wait until she goes to work, sleep or the bathroom and make your James Bond grand escape.
P.S.: Since all it takes is a little eye water to get you to do something you don't want to do, if you don't help me pay my rent this month and buy my dog a gift basket, I'm going to start crying.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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