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Ask Willie D: My Husband Enjoys Porn; Can't Forgive My Dying Father

Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!

Ask Willie D: My Husband Enjoys Porn; Can't Forgive My Dying Father

MY HUSBAND ENJOYS PORN; I'M JEALOUS

Willie D:

My husband is a helpless porn addict. He not only has loads of DVDs, he watches porn on the internet daily. The weird thing is he knows many of the girls by name; who does that? I get mad at him because I don't want him lusting over other women even though I know he can't have them.

Our sex life is pretty good but when we are in the moment I don't know if he's thinking of me, or the porn actresses. Am I being insecure or what?

Jealous:

Yes, you are being insecure, but that's understandable considering most women in the adult-film industry are vivacious and uninhibited. But don't trip; they're not real, you are. And they don't share his bed, you do. As long as he's not trying to pee on you or have you do something you don't want to do, let him have his porn.

Let's look at the positive side of your husband's porn addiction. In his imaginary lust for other women you don't have to worry about him bringing home sexually transmitted diseases or having children outside of the marriage. Also, rather than popping Viagra pills, maybe fantasizing about being with the girls in the videos is the stimulant he uses to satisfy you.

You would probably say, "Well, when we're making love he shouldn't be thinking about anyone but me." That may be true, but variety is the spice of life, and life doesn't always have to be real in the bedroom.

Willie D

WORRIED ABOUT NEGLECTED FAMILY MEMBERS

Willie D:

I have a family member who is very irresponsible. She recently moved from Mississippi to Tennessee. Once she moved here, my mother and I began to help her get on her feet. We helped her get her children into school [and] find a job and a place to live. My issue with her is that she lets her four children do any- and everything they want to. The children range [in age] from five to ten years old.

The mother does not help the kids with their homework. The child who is in the first grade does not know her ABCs, nor can she count past ten. The ten-year-old cannot read a word that have more than five letters in it. She is so worried about getting back with her younger child's father that she completely forgets the older two.

What do you think I should do to help her change her destructive ways?

Worried:

You and your mother deserve a standing ovation for doing all you have done and continue to do for your family member and her children. But there's not much you can do to make her a responsible parent.

The kids are stuck, unless you can prove in a court of law that the mother is physically abusive or neglecting them by leaving them home alone, not feeding them, or something along those lines; in which case your local child protective agency is likely to remove them from the home so the court can place them with a close relative or foster parents.

Unfortunately, the failure to properly educate your children and teaching them to conduct themselves in a civil manner is not a crime. If it were, a whole lot of parents would be on death row awaiting execution.

Willie D

 

CAN'T FORGIVE DYING FATHER

Willie D:

As far back as I can remember, my father has been an evil, domineering, selfish, bastard of a man. Growing up under "his roof" was as close to hell as one could come without being greeted by the devil himself. He ruled our home and everyone in it with an iron fist, literally; smacking me, my brother and mom around with the regularity of a hamster on a wheel.

I hate to be cynical, but now it is he who's getting smacked around. He's dying of cancer and my mother says he has requested to see me before his demise. She wants me to pay my respects because, as she says, it's the least I could do.

It's very hard for me to have compassion for a man who did everything wicked a father could do to a daughter except rape her. As a human being he disgusts me. Now my brother is taking my mother's side, arguing that I should go visit him because no matter what he's still my dad.

I am a married mother of two with a good life living one town over. Why should I inconvenience myself and burn $5 worth of gas to go see a dead man who once told me he wished I were never born?

Can't Forgive:

No question your father earned your contempt. Normally what I will do when my heart is engaged in a tug-of-war with my mind is decide whether or not I can sleep well with the decision I'm leaning towards.

If I can I go with it; if not, I'll do something different. So the $60,000 question is can you sleep well with your decision?

Willie D

HOW TO TELL MY GIRLFRIEND IT'S OVER

Willie D:

I want to break up with my girlfriend but I'm not sure if I can do it. We have been dating for about three years, on and off. We fight over stupid stuff like how much gas was in the tank when I drove the car back home, which movie to watch, who left the glass on the coffee table, etc.

She recently got mad because I was being nice to the waitress who was serving us at a restaurant; which was ridiculous because it was my girl's birthday. On top of that she knows the waitress wasn't even my type.

Lately, she's been pressuring me with talk about marriage and children. I love her but I don't know if I want to bring a kid into a world where there's a strong possibility that its parents will split up. What do you suggest?

It's Over:

I don't subscribe to telling people to walk away from relationships unless there's danger involved. When couples fight over trivial issues, it's usually because of something else that they're mad about.

For example; she yelled at you because you were five minutes late picking her up from work. But the real reason she's mad is because last week you forgot to buy those tickets to see Beyoncé and now the concert is sold-out.

Have a candid conversation with your girlfriend, with the central topic being "How Not to Sweat The Small Stuff." One thing I've come to understand about relationships is that the moment you think it's over, it's only a matter of time before it's finally over.

Willie D

PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D

Trying to Be a Good Stepmother; Undercover Freak

Ask Willie D: My Grown Pothead Son Won't Move Out

My Wife Wants My Ex Gone

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.



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