Ask Willie D: My Wife Wants My Ex Gone
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
Willie D, my wife becomes really negative when I talk on the phone with other girls, especially when I talk with my ex-girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend and I still love each other, not in the romantic sense but as true good friends.
I tried to convince my wife that my ex-girlfriend and I are just friends, but she does not want to listen. She just wants me to stop my involvement with her completely, but this is not what I want to do. Please help me to resolve this situation.
Monkey in the Middle
MITM, I can tell you from experience, if you want to keep your wife happy, you better cut off all communications with your ex ASAP, unless, of course, a child is involved -- which I assume isn't the case since you didn't mention one.
Cutting off your ex is easier said than done. If there were reconciliation and you learned to be friends and love each other again, albeit platonically. You can't blame your wife for being suspicious. You and your ex were attracted to each other once, so who's to say it won't happen again? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
I don't think you're going to be able to give up your friendship with your ex. So you have to ask yourself: What's more important, the relationship you share with your old girlfriend or the one you have with your wife?
Your honest answer to that question and subsequent actions may prevent you from being crushed by that rock and a hard place.
BACK TO SCHOOL?
Willie D, I am a young mother who is trying to pursue my education and be a good mother at the same time. I am studying to become a medical assistant at Anthems Career College. I struggle with the fact that I have a one-year-old and I am about to have another child soon.
My biggest fear is that I will not be able to come back to school and finish my education after I have my baby. I only have the support of my children's father. I do understand that it will be hard, but in the back of my mind I know that nothing in this life is easy and I have to fight for what I want.
Every day that I get up and look into my daughter's eyes, I know that she deserves the best and nothing less. I will not be a victim of my environment. The few family members I have here in the city are not very supportive of my going back to school.
These family members have told me that I will soon quit. How can I convince my family that I have made the right decision by going back to school?
Struggling Young Mother
SYM, be careful who you share your dreams with. Some people are dream killers. Other than your children's father, you seem to be surrounded by a bunch of people who are used to rejection. They don't see many people who come from where they come from do anything exceptional, so they don't know any better.
Keep doing you. Your family will know you made the right decision when they're calling around trying to get your phone number to beg for money.
Willie D, I am such a fan of yours. It is great that you have your own advice column. I want to know one thing: Can you tell me how to get my neighbor to turn down the loud-sounding muffler he has?
It scares my child, and the dog howls for a long time after he starts up his car and goes out. I do not want to start a fight, as my family and his are friends. Thanks!
Bud, I'm laughing because I'm your neighbor. I have a loud exhaust system on my SUV, and I'm sure it runs my neighbors hot occasionally. Honestly speaking, even if my neighbor approached me on game day with a box of Brother's pizza, a six-pack of beer and his name was Gandhi, I would probably tell him to take a hike.
Let's take a walk in your neighbor's shoes. Like me, he knows his muffler is loud but it's bearable to him, so he doesn't see why he should spend money to accommodate you. Now, back in my cowboy-western days, I would have told you to go over there, pop him 'cross his head and tell him to get it fixed by sundown. But the civil way to handle it is to simply ask him to bring it down -- be polite.
Try explaining to your neighbor that his loud muffler is disturbing when you're reading, sleeping or watching TV. You said that it scares your child. Even if that part isn't true, it's a good card to play, because nothing pulls the strings on a man's heart more than a helpless child.
Assuming you've exhausted -- no pun intended -- all of your neighborly resources, the next logical thing to do would be to call the police. Most states have vehicle noise laws. Although you would have to swallow your pride, you could offer to pay for your neighbor to replace his exhaust system. Granted he is willing to, it would be costly but not as costly as moving or the price you might pay if you initiated a confrontation.
Willie D, my boyfriend and I talk dirty when we have sex. He calls me "dirty slut" and other words I won't mention. Most of the time it's him who starts it and I go along because I know that's what he likes.
I like it, too, because it helps with the mood, but sometimes I want him to be sensual and not go there. Whenever I try to steer him away from talking freaky, he gets mad and turned off. How do I get him to be more sensual in bed without losing his passion?
Debbie, I applaud you for going the extra mile to please your man. But it's possible that you might be sending him mixed messages. Every time you "go along" with the dirty talk, to him it's confirmation that you like it, or at least you like doing it for him.
When a man tries something sexually that's freaky or taboo and he likes it, he wants to do it all the time; it becomes part of his modus operandi. Contrarily, depending on what time of the month it is, what she read or saw on television that day or how loud the dog barked, there's no telling what mood a woman will be in at any given time.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Do this in casual conversation or over dinner. Don't wait until he's aroused and it's about to go down; once he gets in his zone, it may be too late.
Tell him that you like all the dirty talk but from time to time you want him to switch it up and be gentle with you. Keep in mind there's a learning curve. Initially you may have to remind him of what to do, but if he is a good student, not only will he pass the class, he will graduate with honors.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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