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Bedtime Stories: The Naughtiest Madonna Videos Ever (Semi-NSFW)

That old special feeling...
That old special feeling...

This weekend, the grand dame of American pop music, Madonna, will grace the halftime stage at Super Bowl XLVI. This is a major improvement from last year's more-inhuman-than-human Black Eyed Peas performance, which tested the resolve our country, and even the world. But we all survived. Who won the game anyway?

Madonna comes into this performance with a new single, the Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. assisted "Gimme All Your Luvin," a song they collaborated for Madge's upcoming MDNA album, set for release on March 26. Nothing could go wrong with those two, right? A foul-mouthed Barbie and a politically-charged female rapper on live worldwide television? Everything should be cool.

I had the arduous task of culling together Madonna's most sexual and boundary-obliterating music videos. I hadn't realized how smutty that her videos, for about a ten-year period, before she had kids and sorta found religion. Hopefully on Sunday evening she will get to show a bit of that side of her, becuase even at 53 years old, and those arms, she is still pretty foxy.

I never got to watch the whole of these videos because a lot times my folks were in the room, and out of embarrassment -- and awkward pubescent boners -- I would change the channel. If I can't be honest with you, who can I be honest with?

"Take A Bow"

Personally, I like the part where she rubs her breasts on the television set and writhes on the bed in bra, panties, and stockings, but that's just me. I kind of have a fetish for half-naked blonde women.

"Erotica"

Now 20 years old, this clip for the title off 1992's Erotica showcased Madonna as a dominatrix cavorting with Naomi Campbell, Isabella Rossellini, and Big Daddy Kane. Rarely had S/M culture been thrust onto MTV and American homes with such a force.

Madonna is more than likely responsible for the upward tick in sales of leashes and whips. This video also features scenes from the nude roadside photo shoot that this poster would come from. Why I never bough this poster at Soundwaves when I had the chance is beyond me.

 

"Justify My Love"

Was this the filthiest Madonna video ever made, that wasn't actual porn? At the time of it's release, this was soft-core, but now you are more likely to find more sex in a Miley Cyrus clip. But still, nothing beats Madge's giggling walk of no shame at the end.

"Human Nature"

The black leather, the corn rows, the chair, the stark colors. The weird Hollywood Squares-type set, no doubt covering in all manner of bodily fluids. Did I mention the spankings?

"Open Your Heart"

Madonna works in a peep show and has a 12-year-old boyfriend. Or it could be the little brother she is trying to support through stripping. Either way, there was an awful lot of ass-cheek in this clip, especially for 1986.

 

"Secret"

Coming off her 1994 album Bedtime Stories, the video for "Secret" was a jazzy, slinky, cleavage-ridden affair. Check out her hip nose ring, possibly a vestige from her dalliance with Tupac Shakur around this period.

"Express Yourself"
Bedtime Stories: The Naughtiest Madonna Videos Ever (Semi-NSFW)

Madonna keeps it pretty demure here, but it's the dudes in the clip that make this a naughty pick. Sort of the opposite of George Michael's "Freedom '90". All the rain, sweat, and fighting...

"Cherish"
Bedtime Stories: The Naughtiest Madonna Videos Ever (Semi-NSFW)
"I Want You"

This one is pretty simple, making good use of Madonna's lip area, lingerie, and a bedroom. As YouTube commenter Ego1c proclaimed "MY DIVA MY QUEEN MY LIFE I LOVE YOU BITCH". Ditto, or something.

Britney Spears & Madonna "Me Against The Music"

By 2003, Madonna wasn't exactly washed-up, but she wasn't on the tips of everyone's tongue. She was relatively quiet, save for that atrocious "American Pie" cover, until this clip with pretender-to-her-throne, Britney Spears, and that kiss seen 'round the world at the MTV Video Music Awards that year.

BONUS
"4 Minutes"

Just a few years later, Madonna snagged Justin Timberlake for this video, which had us all rooting for the pair to put some p's in v's in the back of that car. Because you know that would have irked Brit-Brit something awful.


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