Charlie Sheen: A Playlist Full Of Winning
Photo illustration by Monica Fuentes and Chris Gray
The social media Hiroshima and Nagasaki that is the past two weeks of Charlie Sheen's life has led us to join the party by making our own playlist of Sheen songs. As if enough hasn't been written about this gonzo hero already, Rocks Off is now chipping in our three cents. Inflation is a bitch.
The thing is, Sheen interests people because he's living life the way everyone wishes they could. It scares people that someone so unhinged from their polite society is taking the national interest by storm, even as the Middle East rages on and the country is still as mangled as ever.
When was the last time you heard anything about Libya on your Twitter or Facebook feed? Some even compared Sheen to Muammar el-Qaddafi, which is both simplistic and elevates matters to absurdity. An actor going on an angry physical and mental tirade is different than splitting protesters in half with hand cannons. But at least we can settle on a spelling for Sheen's name.
As for Rocks Off, as long as Sheen isn't hurting others and only doing things to himself, his nose, or with consensual adults who happen to be beautiful, filthy, naughty porn stars, then we say more power to him. As long no one gets shot, burned, bludgeoned, stabbed, beaten, or raped, let the Sheen train roll on. It was probably for the best that children weren't in the household. Just good practice, that.
The Clash, "Know Your Rights"
"They picked a fight with a warlock."
"Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."
Survivor, "Eye of the Tiger"
"I'm not bipolar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there."
Led Zeppelin, "Rock & Roll"
"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total ... rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."
Motorhead, "Stay Clean"
"I survived because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs."
Daft Punk, "Harder Better Faster Stronger"
"I'm grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life. I'm not 'aw shucks' ... because I'm gnarly."
"Beautiful Girls" Van Halen
Ahem...he knows how to pick them. Or they know how to find him.
The White Stripes, "Jimmy The Exploder"
"I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
"There's been a tsunami of media, and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard."
Pat Travers, "Snortin' Whiskey"
"I was bangin' seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear."
Motley Crue, "Kickstart My Heart"
"I'm an F-18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground."
Duran Duran, "Girls On Film"
Like we were saying earlier, but at least he's not into fake plastic boobs all the time, right? Doesn't that count for something? Just a little?
Ted Nugent, "Workin' Hard Playin' Hard"
Someone get Nugent and Sheen together. If we switch drugs for guns with Sheen, the world would be a fun place.
The Troggs, "Wild Thing"
And just like that, Rocks Off's Halloween costume was picked out.
"I'm still alive, which is pretty cool."
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