"Comeback" Albums Nobody Is Really Asking For
Mark your calendars, fellow music lovers. June 28 will be a sales matchup that'll make 50 Cent and Kanye's 2007 album release square-off look like a playground brawl. The contenders are Limp Bizkit and Taking Back Sunday, who will both be releasing their "comeback" albums on the same day.
Of course, we're kidding... about the music part. Here's where we get a little confused - what makes these albums "comebacks" if nobody ever missed the bands? Who has been living their lives, working and contributing to society while genuinely wondering, "Man, what happened to Wes Borland?"
We guarantee you, the amount of people who have asked that question are probably also currently listening to a Bubba Sparxxx album in their car right now. Please don't fact-check us, because we don't really want to know how legitimate that information is.
Anyways, summer is an optimal time for comeback albums, particularly for artists who are able to take three to five years off and still be relevant. Blink-182, for example, is finishing up their first release in almost eight years. We can see ourselves purchasing that album and listening to it on the way to the beach.
Fleet Foxes is also putting out their second album since 2008's self-titled debut. Even Rage Against The Machine might (might) be releasing something. However, some "comebacks" need to just "fall back" and accept defeat. We've put together a few upcoming fallback releases that we'll probably still end up listening to. See: Aqua.
Bowling For Soup, Fishin For Woos (April 26): We're Texans through and through, sure, but there are a lot of things going on in the Lone Star State - specifically in East Texas - that we just can't ride with. This band is one of them.
Seether, Holding On To Strings Better Left To Fray (May 17): Holding on to what? Sorry, we started watching At The Drive-In videos on YouTube before we could finish reading that title.
Taking Back Sunday, Taking Back Sunday (June 28): Apparently these guys released albums after Tell All Your Friends in 2002; doesn't matter. Actually, we'll keep it trill: The main reason why we don't want to hear anything else from TBS is because we're terrified that it will cause us to start a LiveJournal with a heading from lyrics off of the title track, blog about our love lives, then have it discovered by our peers.
Limp Bizkit, Gold Cobra (June 28): We were a Bizkette growing up. Swear. We dressed up as one for Halloween; maybe we've touched on that before. It might have been due to our strange, childhood chubby-crush on Fred Durst. They should have stopped after Chocolate Starfish And The Hotdog Flavored Water. Unless they're hooking up with Method Man again, we don't want to hear anything.
3 Doors Down, Time of My Life (July 19): They wait three years between albums, how cheesy is that? Can we let this band go, already? They've done enough for the emotionally displaced parents of suburbia.
Aqua (name/date TBA): They have recently released and recorded a video for their new single, "How R U Doin?" In our opinion, "Barbie Girl" will forever be a banger, and is so much more reflective than people give it credit for. This shit doesn't compare. Check them out on Denmark's version of X Factor. They ain't doin' too well. Their first album was titled Aquarium, the followup was Aquarius. Third? Aquaic. Get it? It sounds like archaic. Whatever.
Jesse McCartney, Have It All (date TBA): He released a single called "Shake" in 2010, but has changed the release date of this album three times already. When is his publicist going to help this dude out and tell him he's just the broke tween's Justin Bieber? This single sounds so much like "One Time" that it's completely essential to have half-naked girls dancing around him to distract from the fact.