Death Race 2008
One of musical prognosticators' favorite January activities is wagering which personalities will be waved past the velvet rope into the Ultimate Afterparty sometime over the next 365 days (well, 366 this year). Last year, Britney Spears was flirting pretty hard with the bouncers, but somehow managed to stay off that particular guest list.
The first to be called home in 2008 remains to be seen; please bear in mind that we do not endorse taking any actions to hasten the demise of anyone on this list. Except maybe Scott Stapp.
Jerry Lewis: He's primarily known as a comedian, but he was a comedy partner of the great singer Dino and had a hit in the 1950s singing "Rock-a-Bye Your Baby with a Dixie Melody." Listing his recent health concerns would take up the rest of this page. Suffice it to say, it looks like a Martin and Lewis reunion is forthcoming. Odds: 2-1
Amy Winehouse: This retro chanteuse is better known for her legal troubles, canceled concerts, crazy bedraggled paparazzi photos and (alleged) onstage dope-snorting than for her Grammy-nominated Back to Black, one of last year's best albums. It would be a tragedy if there's no follow-up, but we can at least capitalize on her imminent demise with a no-brainer wager. Odds: 5-2
Blake Fielder-Civil: Winehouse's currently incarcerated brawler of a husband appears to be just as wheels-off as she is. One way or the other, it looks like death will do them part sooner rather than later. Odds: 3-1
Shane MacGowan: We really hope the Pogues singer, one of the great songwriters of our time, never falls from grace with God. But his bloated, rotten-toothed appearance and constant drunkenness don't bode well. Whiskey, you're the devil indeed. Odds: 7-2
Chuck Berry: This 81-year-old rock and roll pioneer has been robbed by every rock guitarist since "Maybellene" came out in 1955, survived more scandals than the Clinton administration and still plays live. Though we hope he sees 101, he's getting pretty darn old for a rocker. Odds: 4-1
Jamie Lynn Spears's unborn child: Pregnancy isn't going to help the career of Britney's 16-year-old, kid-show-actress sister. We have the feeling this is going to end in "miscarriage," even if the family doesn't publicize that the miscarriage involves forceps and suction tubing. Odds: 5-1
Whitney Houston: As she once said, "Crack is wack." She may have finally divorced her enabler, but recovery is a long, long road. Odds: 8-1
Bobby Brown: Ever seen the YouTube video wherein Brown drops what looks like a big sack of coke on the stage while performing with New Edition? He's pretty smooth about picking it back up. Odds: 10-1
Wynonna Judd: We're certain she has a gravy overdose in her future. Odds: 12-1
Scott Stapp: How many times can the former singer of the Worst Band Ever get away with drunken domestic disputes? Maybe karma — or alcohol poisoning — catches up with him in 2008. Odds: 15-1
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