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Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

Jay Z albums are events, mainly because Jay Z declares them to be events and he has a lot of money. In keeping with that, we recently saw the release of his music video for the sort-of-title track of Hova's latest record Magna Carta Holy Grail, Holy Grail, and it is some sort of action-movie train-wreck monstrosity. Also, I love it.

I loved the original track by itself the second I started the album and heard Justin Timberlake's ridiculously melodramatic chorus, which precedes Jay Z's appearance by more than a minute. When Jay finally comes in, it's on like a Michael Bay film. This thing is like Transformers set to music. It's so dumb, but so satisfying, like candy and cake.

The video is no exception. Here's why.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

20. Open with the most non-committal gesturing.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

19. And then chill in front of the TV for a while.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

18. Fooled you! He's actually on the TV too!

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

17. Alfred? What are you doing here?

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

16. That snake will never appear again.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

15. All this slow-motion is giving Jay Z a headache.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

14. Wait, where's JT? Oh shit, there he is.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

13. These sheets are sort of like nets in old cartoons. They're impenetrable.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

12. And don't look to Justin for help.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

11. He's got a burnt Thanksgiving dinner to eat.

Watch Hova and JT burn through more money on the next page.

 

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

10. A slow-motion "uh uh" from Jay Z and we're back.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

9. And here's some chicks making out for no reason.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

8. "So this is what molly is like." (Just kidding. He only rocks Tom Ford.)

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

7. All right, now break it down.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

6. Probably not the face I'd want to make when talking about Michael Jackson.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

5. And for some reason JT is standing in flames now.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

4. Justin, what did I tell you about practicing alchemy on cars?

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

3. Hov, I don't think that's the proper way to store your wine collection...

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

2. They're shootin'! Aw, made you look. They're just statues.

Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

1. "How much money did this cost again?"

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