(Don't) Book 'Em, Dano: 42 Artists Who Have Absolutely No Business Touring Together
When Rocks Off received word last week that indie duo The Big Pink was embarking on a 2010 tour with NYC's A Place to Bury Strangers, our initial thought was, "Cool," followed closely by, "Ew." For once, there's a promo poster we really have no desire to see. But then our next thought was, "Could there possibly be any worse tour pairings than that?" Ha. Could there, indeed.
We know John Irving is a great author and all, but are his characters so complex they can actually cross dimensional barriers and pursue Robin Williams' characters in all their forms?
Rocks Off would rather not speculate about the nature of the interaction between these two disparate groups, but we're betting it wouldn't be "slow and easy."
Knowing the Church's stance on Onanism, mutual or otherwise, it's no surprise the Popes initially balked. Adding Bo Diddley to the bill, on the other hand...
This could be the start of an annual "Monsters of Vermin" tour, to be followed in 2011 by Ratt with Trapt.
They'll cover Toto's "Africa" and Men Without Hats' "Antarctica," which should cover everybody. At least until those bitchy Atlanteans show up.
Wincing the night away, indeed.
No one can say what reaction would result from yuppie fans of the Swedish pop group exposed to the Belgian house band's selections fromLust
. Maybe everyone's hair would bleach, or maybe their indigestion would go away.
And perfect marketing synchronicity was achieved...
We're trying to think of two bands we've listed with less likelihood of fan cross-pollination. Perhaps the Maybes? could broker a peace accord.
We should have seen this coming. After all, the first usually leads to the second.
Actually...Rocks Off thinks we actually saw this show. No one was hurt, thank goodness.
The original East Coast-West Coast rivalry. Our money's on the Gunners, unless Arthur Kane returns from the dead with sinister new Mormon powers.
With Red Rockers as support act. Vietnam is united once again...in ROCK. The Communist government watches and exhales in relief, knowing "Love is On the Way" might have become the new socialist youth anthem.
We bet the crowds would have a decent time together, until surprise guest Sting showed up, that is.
You thoughtBambi vs. Godzilla
was bad. And who knew Black Francis could get any shorter?
The Redundancy Tour got off to a shaky start when Lady GaGa and Tony! Toni! Toné! sued for discrimination.
Rocks Off's only advice to concert attendees: don't wear clothes you're particularly attached to.
Sting and Stewart Copeland finally settle their differences, finding common ground with Chuck D in their desire to beat Flavor Flav to death with tire irons.
Our dream tour sponsors? The Beef Council and Van Camp's Pork & Beans.
Time to make up your mind: expansive trip-hop or aggressive, minimalist hardcore? And are we allowed to spark up in here?
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