I am making the stand, right here and now, that only winning teams that don’t play like an erratic Bad News Bears can have special theme nights at the ballpark. Want to really make me come to the stadium, Drayton McLane? WIN A GAME. Don’t give me a funny hat to wear while I watch the Astros get the snot kicked out of them. That’s like selling popcorn at an execution in Huntsville.
Nevertheless, tonight is ‘80s night at Minute Maid, as the “OK” guys stand back and let the Pittsburgh Pirates do what they will. Fans will be lavished with a retro tote bag to vomit in as our dreams flame out in the sky like Friday night fireworks. There will be a costume contest, which is the reason I’m going. Not to dress up, just to see what freak shows Houston and the suburbs will serve up. Slutty housewives dressed up like Madonna? Check. U of H frat pledges in unforgiving spandex and ratty mullets led around like dogs? Yumtastic.
All I ask is for Matt Albers to not give up 17 runs in the first inning. That and for the roof to be closed. This southern belle wilts in the heat. – Craig Hlavaty
All I know about the ‘80s, I learned from this Killing Joke video......
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!