Alcohol takes the human body on many a journey. Some of us may find ourselves inebriated and calling old lovers, with hilariously low-brow results. Others may find walking too daunting of a task and end up crawling on all fours like the great apes that spawned us. This weekend in Austin, I found what I do best when I drink. I am able to buy the most ridiculous trio of musical selections ever to be found on a single receipt. It’s almost super-heroic.
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I remember shuffling into a Half Price Books location somewhere near Highway 183 on Sunday afternoon, full of margaritas and such. I really wanted some Human League or early Michael Jackson. I think I had some idea that we were going to invite girls (non-existent, by the way) over to my buddy’s apartment for a dance contest. Anyway, I spent almost 45 minutes digging and searching for music. I remember earnestly thinking that the tunes I was picking up were really going to make a statement, artistic and otherwise.
So Monday morning, I roll over ensconced in a door mat to find I had purchased Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music, a George Thorogood greatest hits compilation, and a disc of eighties teen dance music. Now, I have no inkling of what fleeting beliefs were occurring in my head. Were random girls going to boogie to a four-part atonal and cacophonic drone record? Who finds Thorogood a sexy choice? And finally, was my subconscious trying to tell me something by buying a disc full of Menudo, New Edition and Samantha Fox? At least I had some good tunes for the rainy trip home.
Drinking and driving is a terrible and irresponsible crime. Drinking and shopping? That’s just tragic. -- Craig Hlavaty