FAIL: Creed, Ice-T, Liam Gallagher
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray
Creed Doesn't Get It, Guys: You know how some people just never seem to get the message, no matter how obvious you're being? Even if that message is "I hate your guts"? Not surprisingly, Creed are those guys.
You remember Creed: four tribal-tattooed purveyors of pseudo-Christian late-'90s bro-rock anthems so terrible they deservingly got made fun of more than acts like *Nsync and the Spice Girls. They were Nickelback before Nickelback.
Anyway, these four mongoloids didn't get the message that the general public's tolerance of their shitty music has run out when they were forced to sell concert tickets for $5 last year just so they wouldn't be playing to empty venues. No, they've taken that as a sign that "there's a lot of people who want to come but just can't afford it." Wow. That's... that's so sad.
Lead singer/clueless boob Scott Stapp went on to say, "This is about that relationship and staying in touch with our roots and blue-collar America, which is where we're all from. It's natural as a band to be connected to the economic situation of our country and wanting to continue that connection with the fans."
Oh my God. Stapp's delusions are piling up so high, the little twerp may finally be able to reach the box of Pinwheels on top of his refrigerator. Creed are about as "blue-collar American" as a Jane Austen novel. It's almost admirable, the amount of balls it takes to claim to represent blue-collar America when your fan base is filled with musically ignorant suburban soccer moms who embarrass their kids by singing along to "Higher" and telling them over and over, "See, kids, I'll bet you didn't know they wrote songs about Jesus that were actually cool!"
So yeah, due to the obviously overwhelming public demand, Creed is working on music for a new album. The only thing more fail-tastic than watching their next comeback flop would be if, by virtue of some cruel cosmic joke, it succeeded. See, Creed, this is part of why we resent you: You put us in these situations where there's really no way for the rest of us to win.
Ice-T Strikes Back at Cop Who Arrested Him... On Twitter: It is a strange world we live in.
Ice-T, the guy who wrote "Cop Killer," was arrested by Officer Fisher, badge number 10026, on Tuesday for not wearing a seatbelt and for driving with an expired license. At first it may seem like no surprise that Ice-T would be getting harassed by the police, but for three things:
1. All that Body Count stuff was a long time ago.
2. He's spent the last ten years playing a fairly sympathetic police officer on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
3. The man was on his way to take his English bulldog, Spartacus, who also has his own Twitter account, to the vet for knee surgery.
Ice-T's claim that his arrest was due to who he is seems reasonable, considering not wearing a seatbelt and driving with an expired license are usually grounds for a simple warning, or at worst, a ticket. So how did the ex-gangster react to the trumped-up arrest? Did he call for retaliation on the police? Start a riot? Release a profanity-laced diss track?
Nope, he took it to Twitter, where he posted the officer's name and badge number. So... yeah. We suppose Officer Fisher now faces the likelihood of the same abuse that Aimee Mann faced a couple of months ago when she criticized Ice-T's acting.
You have to admit, when Ice-T stated in "I Ain't New Ta This" that his last will and testament only contained one word ("RIDE!"), this is not what you imagined he meant. Still, for risk of drawing the ire of his Final Level Twitter Gang, we're going to go on record here and say Ice-T's arrest was total bullshit and we hope Spartacus is recovering quickly.
Liam Gallagher is an Absentee Father; For Some Reason, Mother Objects to This: Liam Gallagher is a rock star and notorious childlike asswipe, so naturally the chicks dig him. One week after he married Patsy Kensit, he conceived a child with singer-songwriter Lisa Moorish.
That child, Molly, is now 12 years old, and Moorish has been making a big stink lately - on Twitter, of course - about the fact that Liam is not a big part of her life. Liam, however, has always supported the child financially, and says he's willing to be there for the kid if she wants to come find him.
We can't believe we're about to type these words, but we're going to have to side with Liam Gallagher on this one. We really couldn't think of a worse father figure/role model than Liam, so sending her money and staying far, far away actually seems like the most responsible thing he could have done.
Really, what was Moorish expecting, that the guy who constantly starts snitty little feuds with other musicians, journalists, band members and even his own brother was going to show up and happily change diapers without so much as a complaint? It seems to us that if Molly isn't alienating everyone around her, throwing constant temper tantrums, saying she's better than everyone else and starting an unbelievably tacky clothing line, then Moorish should thank Liam for bringing his craziness nowhere near her during her most formative years.
Win of the Week: Fugazi is going to have just about all of the band's live shows up in an online archive soon. Pretty sweet, especially for those of us who never got to see them live.
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