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FAIL: Kings Of Leon, Pigeons, Bush

FAIL: Kings Of Leon, Pigeons, Bush
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray

Kings of Leon Respond Poorly to Mother Nature's Criticism: Last weekend, bro-rock champions Kings of Leon were three songs into a set when a pigeon in the rafters of St. Louis' Verizon Wireless Amphitheater made its opinion known by taking a dump directly into the mouth of bassist Jared Followill.

Lots of people have been figuratively shitting on the Kings over the last couple of years, but to have it happen literally seems to be where the Followill boys draw the line. Without a word, the Kings finished a song and left the stage. A few minutes later, someone came out and announced that the show was over, citing concerns for the band's safety. Not long after that, drummer Nathan tweeted this:

"So sorry St. Louis. We had to bail, pigeons shitting in jareds mouth. Too unsanitary to continue. Don't take it out on Jared, it's the fucking venues fault. You may enjoy being shit on but we don't. Sorry for all who traveled many miles."

Their press release cited the band's decision to go onstage at all as surprising, considering they saw firsthand how badly opening bands The Postelles and The Still had been splattered. Anonymous assholes on the Internet were, as always, highly critical and derisive, one NME commenter named Rgusto saying, "What the fuck happened to real rock stars? The fuggin' Sex Pistols woulda played extra long in these conditions just because!"

Yes, Rgusto, but keep in mind, all the Sex Pistols really had going for them was the spectacle. Their music was serviceable but generic punk rock; people didn't go to their concerts to hear it, they went to see Johnny Rotten throw darts at Paul Cook while Sid Vicious bled all over his swastika T-shirt from a self-inflicted beer bottle wound.

FAIL: Kings Of Leon, Pigeons, Bush

Now, we're not saying the Kings of Leon are any better than the Sex Pistols, but their focus is, and always has been, on the music rather than on how big of a mess they can make during their sets. In other words, they're about as punk rock as James Taylor. Expecting them to embrace the feces GG Allin-style isn't really fair.

In the end, we really can't blame the Kings of Leon for quitting early; we know we certainly wouldn't be content to write our articles under a torrent of bird shit, and we see no reason for the Kings to put up with it, even if they are rock stars. Representatives at the Verizon Wireless Aphitheater warned the band before the show that the pigeon infestation had become a concern, despite the venue's best efforts to solve the problem.

"Best efforts?" Dude. Just fuckin' shoot 'em. We've got cousins who could solve the problem in a weekend. Shoot 'em, then cook 'em up in some of that horrible, gritty diarrhea you Midwesterners like to pretend is barbecue.

 

FAIL: Kings Of Leon, Pigeons, Bush

Gavin Rossdale Wants to Get Out of the House More, Much to Our Detriment: Dreamy, hollow-eyed 90's Fauxbain (instead of "Cobain," get it?) Gavin Rossdale is reuniting Bush, one of the most jaw-droppingly mediocre acts to ever grace alternative rock radio.

You may remember Bush exploding on the scene with twin Nirvana ripoffs "Everything Zen" and "Little Things" before achieving even greater success with mopey hits "Glycerine," which is about a girl named after high fructose corn syrup, and "Comedown," one of the worst karaoke songs in history, since the final eight minutes of the song are simply the word "comedown" repeated over and over.

Bush had a couple of songs that were pretty good later on ("Greedy Fly" and "The Chemicals Between Us" surprised us by not sucking) but they were lonely peanuts of salty refuge in a swirling sea of shit. Okay, maybe Bush wasn't THAT bad... they were certainly a rung above fratcore acts like Creed, Days of the New, and Nickelback. But that's not really anything to be proud of.

Anyway, grab a paddle, because you'll get to live the mediocrity all over again when Bush puts out a new album and heads back out on tour. We, personally, plan to take the art of not giving a rat's ass to new heights during that time.

Wins of the Week: Terry Gilliam will be directing the Arcade Fire's August 5 webcast from Madison Square Garden. In true Gilliam tradition, we expect producers Vevo to object to Gilliam's vision for the concert, try to pressure him into changing it, and then hire a studio hack to try and salvage what's left of the project before the whole thing goes down in flames. Still, if the concert actually happens, it'll be awesome.

Also, Kanye West is on Twitter now, if you haven't heard. If you're not following him, you're only hurting yourself.


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