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FAIL: Motown Scam Artists, Musicians Unions, Iron Fences

FAIL: Motown Scam Artists, Musicians Unions, Iron Fences
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray

Unions Are Basically Legalized Mafia: Sarah Chang, a gorgeous and talented young violinist, tried to perform a recital in Detroit this week. Unfortunately for her, the classical music unions happen to be on strike in Detroit. Chang was probably not even aware of this fact, but she became very aware of it indeed when the hate mail started pouring in.

Classical unions don't fuck around. These folks harassed her via her cell phone, email address, and social media pages (like Twitter and Facebook) all for the heinous crime of being about to play a gig as part of her tour. We can't see how playing said gig would have affected the Detroit musicians at all, but that didn't stop them from calling her a scab and saying she should hang herself.

Needless to say, Chang opted to skip Detroit. Yeah, we don't blame her. Yo-Yo Ma better keep his ass away too, unless he wants a cello case full of fish. It's an old-school message, Mr. Ma. Don't defy the five families. Uh, unions. We meant "unions."

Vigilant Bar Worker Foils Criminal Mastermind: With America's economy having completely collapsed, people are turning to new and innovative panhandling methods. One imaginative entrepreneur, Alan Young, has been claiming to be various Motown artists and writers while asking for handouts. Knowing what we know of the record industry, a Motown great reduced to wandering the streets and begging for spare change actually seems kind of plausible, so it's no surprise his scam worked most of the time. Also, his city of choice was San Francisco, which explains why he didn't try to impersonate any members of the Grateful Dead or Phish.

Some Motown fan caught on and turned Young in, though, so it seems like his songwriter-impersonating days are over. Unless he gets all fit and pumped up in jail, in which case Carl Weathers had better keep on eye on this guy when he gets out.

 

FAIL: Motown Scam Artists, Musicians Unions, Iron Fences

Gravity + Gothic Décor = Horrible Accident: Mika is a pop star in England, which means nobody outside of that tiny, foggy little island should give a good goddamn about him. At least, that would normally be the policy, except for the fact that his unfortunate sister took a fall out of a fifth-floor window and impaled herself on the fence below.

We're not going to poke fun at the guy's sister; we don't know the circumstances leading to the fall and are hesitant to speculate. Besides, even if it was an act of stupidity, the poor girl has been punished enough. No, we're going to question why, in this day and age, anyone still needs those old-timey Gothic spiked iron fences surrounding their properties. Are the Romans coming to lay siege to your possessions? Will the Huns be storming those gates any second now to make off with all your laptops and cell phones?

Never mind the fact that people rarely drop from windows onto them, how many kids have been screwing around, climbing as kids do, and suffered a groin goring as a result of these stupid things? Playgrounds suck now because all the climbing surfaces have to be cushiony and safe, yet it's still legal to line the border of your property with medieval halberds. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Win of the Week: A band called Atomic Tom performs their song "Take Me Out" live on the New York subway... entirely on their iPhones. And it sounds better than pretty good.

Thanks to Marc Brubaker for the link.


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