Fifty Shades of Grey Made Me a Freak. Help!

Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY MADE ME A FREAK

Dear Willie D:

It's hard to watch the movie Fifty Shades of Grey and not walk away without a need to be sexually adventurous. Maybe it was my Catholic upbringing, but I have always been sexually challenged. But boy oh boy, how one movie can cast a spell on you.

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After watching the movie, I decided I would be less inhibited in bed. For the first time I participated in bondage. I made my man wear a blindfold, then handcuffed, and whipped him with a rope. It was so empowering. I am now comfortable with asking for the kind of sex I want. I guess I'm a real control freak [heh-heh].

Have you watched the movie, and is BDSM something you would want to do with your woman?

Control Freak:

No I haven't watched the movie, but I might be open to a little BDSM. However, handcuffs and whips are out -- I shouldn't have to explain why.

MY GIRL IS NICE BUT SHE HAS AN STD

Dear Willie D:

I have met a good girl. We have fun together, she is good with my family and she handles her finances really well. She's pretty and also going to school for her master's degree. In short, she's damn near perfect. But as usual with life, there is one major flaw: We don't have sex. She told me that her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and gave her herpes.

That revelation has turned off all of my physical attraction to her. What is the best thing to do?

Major Flaw:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports one in six Americans 14-49 years old have genital herpes. Because the numbers are so high and most people who are infected don't experience symptoms, there's a good chance that you may have been with someone already who didn't know she was infected, and you could be infected.

Your girl being honest with you upfront prior to sexual intercourse shows that she cares about you and respects herself. I'm not telling you to do it, but if you did have sex with her exclusively, because she is already managing her condition, it would reduce your chances of contracting the disease by sleeping with random women -- if you're into such a thing.

Here is the takeaway: Herpes is a very common STD. But the good news is, it's not going to kill or disfigure you. It amounts to a cold sore that lasts for a few days a year on your bald-headed yogurt slinger. That's it. There's always a risk, but as long as you don't exchange body fluids during an outbreak, you should be all right. The operative word is "should."

More Ask Willie D on the next page.

  IS IT TRUE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE KKK?

Dear Willie D:

I'm a conservative white guy from Pasadena, Texas, who spends most weekends smoking cigars, drinking whiskey and listening to Luke Bryan. I'm a fan of the Pursuit of Happiness Radio show with Producer Kenny. I was surprised to hear him interview you on his show, since you're a rapper.

But I gave it listen because it seemed as though it would be interesting. Although I'm not a fan of rap music, it was fascinating to know that a group from Houston [Geto Boys] made such a huge impact in music history. You were dead-on with your views on the media and censorship.

Also, what you said about the death penalty made me question my lifelong position of advocacy. What was confusing to me was when you said that you don't have a problem with the KKK. Can you tell me what you mean by that? It seems logical that supporting their views would go against your best interest as a black man.

Conservative White Guy:

The topic of discussion was censorship. I said that I didn't have a problem with the KKK in the context of freedom of speech. I also said I share their views of not liking lazy people and those who feel entitled to handouts. But I was talking about all people, not just black people [their go-to scapegoats for everything wrong in America].

Obviously the KKK is America's pre-eminent terrorist group, and represents much of what is wrong with America. Talk is cheap, so as long as they're not physically hurting anyone, I don't have a problem with them. Moreover, as long as they're not trying to hurt me, they won't have any problems.

REALITY SHOWS MAKE ME HATE MY LIFE

Dear Willie D:

When I go to work and receive my paycheck every other week, it makes me feel productive and proud of myself. But then when I watch a reality show where people splurge unheard-of amounts of money on all types of extravagant items, it makes me sick to my stomach because I work my butt off for every cent and have little to show compared to reality stars.

Many of the people on reality shows are nobodies with a bad attitude and little or no education. They blow more money in one trip to the mall than I earn in a year, and I have a six-figure-paying job. I try to watch the shows to keep up with pop culture so I'm not left out of the conversation.

Please help me understand how to enjoy watching the lifestyles of the rich and famous without feeling poor and insignificant?

Every Cent:

Ahhh, the practice of watching a bad TV show for the specific purpose of enjoying the badness; otherwise known as "hate-watching." Considering your inability to avoid watching shows that upset you, in the future use the show as a tool to motivate you to work harder so you might someday live that same lifestyle.

But seriously, I would suggest you turn off the TV and read a book, or write one. Get out of the house. Go do something you enjoy. Build something. Work with a charitable organization. Volunteer at an animal shelter. There are hundreds of alternative television programs, and millions of things to do other than watching TV.

I do empathize with you, though. I hate TMZ like it's my job, but I still watch it.

PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D

My Ex Is Threatening Revenge Porn. Help!

Hillary Clinton Might Become President. Help!

I Got Stood Up On a Date. Help!

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.

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