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Five Metal Bands Who Should Break up Immediately

James LaBrie of Dream Theater
James LaBrie of Dream Theater
Photo by Groovehouse

We've talked before about bands who we thought should break up here at Rocks Off, but frankly, I think metal deserves its own little corner of this argument. How come? Because there are just so damn many metal bands who reached their expiration date a long time ago but keep milking their fans for every last dollar.

I'm sorry to say, but metal in large part is a young man's game, as well as a genre that demands innovation and adaptation. Sure, we have our classics like Motorhead. I'd never ask Lemmy to try to adapt his style for modernity. But there's a whole lot of others that just need to quit already.

5. Megadeth At what point should one quit playing music? Most likely when one sounds like Dave Mustaine does now. As you can so painfully hear above, his voice is so trashed he sounds like Mickey Mouse. Not to mention the fact that dementia set into his brain a few years ago and he won't stop writing songs about FEMA death camps and NWO conspiracies.

It would be nice if they'd stop just to save their legacy from any more tarnishing. It's hard enough as it is having to ignore a decade's worth of bad songs and worse interviews.

4. Dream Theater Hoo boy. Look, I get it, okay? I was 13 once, and Dream Theater seemed really awesome, with all their technical wizardry. Then I turned 14 and realized that there is nothing to this band but technical wizardry. Well, that and brie cheese.

Putting on my objectivity cap, though, I'll admit: they did some kick-ass things in the progressive-metal genre for about two albums. Images and Words and Awake still rock. From then on out they've either made weak bids for commercial success or have played their schtick into the ground. They've done this for so many albums now that I've lost count. Abandon ship, guys. It's time.

3. The Acacia Strain For middling metalcore or cliché deathcore, the Acacia Strain could reliably provide you your fix for a many years. They benefited from some great Adam Dutkiewicz production and a knack for at-the-time trendy songwriting. Of course, the love affair has since ended.

In trying to preserve their career past the expiration date of deathcore, the Acacia Strain has descended further and further up their own asses with whatever the hell the song above is supposed to be. Then they lost their guitarist and songwriter DL Laskiewicz this year.

What exactly is left for them? Don't ask me. If I were them, I'd have given up sometime around 2008.

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2. Enter Shikari I'll say this: there was a time when Enter Shikari was fucking awesome. Mixing metalcore with synthesizers was such a brilliant idea, and for a little while seemed like the future of the genre. It didn't end up shaping anything to come, though. Rather it was just a flash in the pan moment, much like Vanilla Ice fandom, that those of my generation will reflect upon ponderously in our old age.

Instead of just disappearing, though, Enter Shikari committed the ultimate sin. They kept going and replaced the dance-pop synthesizers with dubstep wubs and bass drops. Amazingly, it looks like that trend is on its way out as well, but Enter Shikari refuses to go away with it.

What they're doing now, however, is so much worse. How on earth do these guys keep outliving the bandwagon? Begone with you, Enter Shikari.

1. Nine Inch Nails While I'd be hard-pressed to call anything Trent Reznor has done in a good long while metal, he was at one point leading Nine Inch Nails at the forefront of the industrial-metal movement. Now the band is pretty much straight electronic rock, but NIN needs to break up nonetheless.

I thought that one of my favorite bands was going gentle into that good night with a stately, respectable demise. Instead, Reznor couldn't leave well enough alone and he decided what we all really needed was a Nine Inch Nails album from a 48-year-old man, exploring the emotions of an adolescent boy all over again.

Musically, Hesitation Marks ranged from bland to awful. Lyrically, it was torturous. Let this thing go, Trent. Move on with your life. Become the film composer we thought you were destined to be three years ago. Bury Nine Inch Nails and your angst where it belongs.

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